Take A Moment To Really See...........

Its been awhile

2005-12-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

Don’t think twice.

I have loved and I have lost. Still hurts, not as much but I feel it will always feel a little sore, but more recently I have finally felt the ability to love again. I don’t know, writing that just scared the shit out of me. What to do? What should I do? I am so confused; I don’t want to feel like I am wasting my precious time. I hate that feeling. I am over dealing with meaning less relationships and fake ass people. I am currently seeing the guy I have been obsessed with over the past 5 years, yes I finally grew the balls that I wished I would have had 5 years ago but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, or ad least it should. But, I am not 100% sure how it is going to go, so far its good. It has been a wee bit over a month and we still haven’t done anything but kiss, and trust me I love kissing him, but I am getting anxious and am starting to wonder if the reason why is because he doesn’t want to go there knowing that it isn’t going to last or does he really respect me and want it to be special? I don’t know, I was thinking yesterday in conversations with Carl that it sounds from a guys point of view that he does like me, as a matter of fact he must really like me because e at that very moment Carl realized that he has never thought like that towards a girl, all he would think about is getting in there pants. But not Paul, he is taking it slow and I don’t know how to take that? It’s so weird, I have a hard time expressing my feelings and how I am really feeling, and I get so choked up around him. He still after 5 years gives me that goofy grin and butterfly feeling in my tummy. I love that feeling, but will it ever stop? In a strange way I hope not but I feel like such a dork around him. I don’t know what to say, I just want to hold him but I don’t want to scare him. But, does that mean that by not holding him all the time that I am lacking on my obvious emotions? I don’t even see him all that much which makes me wants to grab him when I do see him. I wish I can see him more but I understand the situation he is in where he works double shifts like every fucking day and then on the weekends he does random jobs. Swap meet, you know the “fun” jobs. We are not even girlfriend and boyfriend, we are dating, I hate that dammit! “Dating” I don’t even think we have been able to go on a date so how the fuck are we dating? Whatever, least of my worries. I have meet his mom, sister, grandma and grandpa. He has taking me to his mom’s and Aunts house, if you are just playing w/ someone and having fun would you really take them to your families house and introduce you as, “My Lady Holly” which is how I was introduced to the G-ma and G-pa which I am sorry that is fucking cute! I am so confused. He calls me Gorgeous, which is one of my favorite things he does. ;) He will surprise me sometimes with some of the stuff he says and does. I cant believe just by writing this I am convincing myself that I am freaking out over nothing. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?

2005-05-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that I just want to strangle my roommate’s little twiggist of a neck? She is so odd. And I am not one to talk about being odd considering the fact that I think I am one of the weirdest people I know, but she is just bad odd. Locks herself in her bedroom all the time, and ignores the fact that her roommates are even alive. She will be sitting in her room alone, everyday, all the time, watching the same exact thing we are all watching in the living room. Don’t understand, I know she has to like me, I’ve known her since 2nd grade, and were best friends at one point and considering the fact that besides me she probably has about, 3 friends, but she has a delightful drunk ass 36 years old ex-convict who cant hold down a job if he sat on top of it, and the best part………..he still lives with mommy and daddy. Right, still with me? No wait this is the best part, he thinks her friends are losers! Yeah, losers, this is coming from the guy who hides that fact that he has a drinking problem, let alone even drinks, and then hides the bottles under the sink so mommy and daddy or girlfriend can find them. I am a lose, right, I work 2 jobs, live on my own, pay for everything on my own, and like the person who I am and can admit if I have a problem, which like everyone else, yes I do and my problem is people like him. I love my friend’s good judgments. You know, I tend to think that there is something wrong with me, and then I sit back, observe and realize…………people are fucking stupid. And I mean that in a nice way.

I live in a world where I am surrounded by things that I feel like I have no control over. I can’t control the fact that I want to ring her neck sometimes, I can’t control the fact that my cat likes to eat my feet for breakfast, and I definitely can’t control the fact that it has been weeks since I have written anything. And anonymous friend got on my ass about this. I am a busy girl with not a lot of time. I have a lot of thought and ideas; it’s just the time I am running out on.

So You Read Me Like A Book?

2005-04-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

I would like to dedicate this post in a sense as a memory, and a reminder of myself. I rarely like to actually "talk" that much about myself (even some might disagree with that) But, I had a attack of memories lately. Almost like my brain reminding me not to forget. Her are some for the sake of remembering:

*I use to have this 4'11 asian biy in high scholl who use to obsess over not only myself but 2 other girls at school. I had him in a elective class and felt sorry for him because he was kinda weird and said some pretty random things so I was always nice to him, but then I started to noticed that everywhere I was he was. He startes taking pictures of me without my knowledge, and every day for class he would always bring me in snacks and a soda becuas ethe vending machine mysterioulsy gave hime extra. I started to get kinda freaked out because I really dont like the idea of someone following me around taking my picture. I found out because he had them in his folder and he showed me a picture he drew of me and as I was browsing through I saw them. needless to say thank god I graduated that year. Then I saw him at Junior College the next year, and I am using that as my excuse for not going back to school.

*When I won "Most Memorable" for senior favorites I said in my mini-bio that I wanted to give the whole world a life time supply of snapple and taco bell. And I sit back and wonder why people thought of me as such a stoner!

*I've made out with a set of twins during a truth or dare session. By the way, always pick dare.

*Ive been to the world largest McDonald's in I believe it was Oklahoma? Correct me if I am wrong, but it wasn't that great. It still made me sick to my stomach just like any other normal Mickey Dee's. It was pretty cool though it went across the freeway. I have also seen the world's largest cross in Texas? I went one a road trip to West Virgina a few summers ago and my camera decided to be an ashole and not work so none of my pictures turned out. So, I have a hard time remembering matching all the landmarks to which state.

*I have been to probaly over 50 concerts and my all time favorite has to bee either Green Day, Stone Temple Piolts, The Used or Finch. My first Concert ever was Blink-182, Homegrown and MXPX at the Old World in Huntington Beach when I was 15 so what 7-8 years ago! Before Blink-182 sold out and they were actually good. My first statium concert was Korn and It rocked my socks off.

*I think I would bea perfect canidate for MTV's show "Made"for being the white girl who wants to learn how to break dance. And I came close, while in San Diego 2 weekends ago, at the bar we were at they had MTV recruits and asked me if I would want to be eligable to be on a MTV show. I was drunk so I felt I was in no condition to make choices like that, and I realized to never listen to myself again when I am drinking.

*And last but not least, anyone who is in the need of a laugh do me a favor and buy SNL's best of Jimmy Fallon and thank me later. It is by far one of the funniest things I have ever seen, even when I am sober. But my advice, a little buzz helps...

Now a moment of silence for the butterfly that decided to fly right smack into my window this morning driving to work. May he not be so stupid in his next life. Amen.

Am I a Reference?

2005-04-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent a good portion of the day taking my friend from Chicago around good ol' Orange County showing him the ropes. He just got his car and had no idea to even get to the beach, so I showed him the way. So while were crusin' Main St. in Huntington Beach all of a sudden my frind in the back seat grab my shoulders and said, "Look...its that girl you know that I know that...come on whats her name? B.O girl!!!" Ok, I knew exactly who he was talking about, she was a girl a year younger then myself who I went to high school with, and yes she does smell pretty weird. It made me think......... am I known to any one as a specific description? How am I recongnizable to the exes friends? I know Im not known all the time as that one girl you were totaly in to, or the one. Yeah right, I won't give my self that much credit. But every guy I know who has an ex, their ex becomes not a name but a description. I have a few that I have given to some of my has beens, I have likes to hump my friends legs boy, the guy who goes by the name "chewy" and likes to start fights with whatever guy is standing next to me, drunk guy who likes to pass out in bathtubs, one who got kicked out of the state of California, one with the big ass tounge and had no idea what he was doing with it. I probaly have a name for them all, and the sad part is that my friendss probally don't remember their names I just have to say that one little refernce and they will know exactly who I am talking about.

You Had Me At "Fuck You"

2005-04-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

Why the hell are gatorade bottles so hard to open?

I have been pretty stressed out lately due to work and personal. So I haven't felt the need to write, but today I have been itching to and I dont have a slightest clue what I should and shouldn't share. I had an interesting weekend in San Diego, it started out Friday night at Soma watching The Used, My Chemical Romance, Senses Fail etc.......lets just call it The Total Chaos Tour. It was the best thing ever! I absoultly love The Used and as usually they fucking rocked my socks off. That was fun and then a few friends meet us afterwards at the beach house, which might I add was right on Mission Bay right across the street from the beach, and the neighbors hated us! Fuck me and my best friend had bitch fest on the patio at 3:30am on Sat. night, and my friends it wasnt pretty. She almost got her ass kicked by my very loving but psycho older sister. She don't give a fuck who you are, she will kick your ass. And I love her for it! My friend got "lost" after a fight with her boyfriend who pretty much didn't run after her when she stormed off, might I add really quick we were ALL smashed, but no excuse she was being ridiculous. So the next 3 hours consisted of looking EVERYWHERE for her and she wasn't answering here cell phone. Now your in a strange city where you have no idea where the fuck is anything and you have looked everywhere in our few mile region and had no luck. So we went back to the house and waited, and waited and foinally she shows up and gets in my face looking for someone to blame for her shitty night, as sad as it sounds that was our first yelling fight and it felt kinda good. Thank god she was ok, but what a dumbass, and there has been so many times I have just wanted to yell at her but Im a pretty "whatever" person. Leave me alone and I will leave you alone. But, oh she pushed the big old red button that transforms me into one hella pissed off drunk girl. Let me just end saying our neighbors HATED us! Thank god we dont live there, we would have been evicted just form that one night, but remeber we were ther for 3 nights =) I had a little fling with a cutie who I will never mention his name for personally reasons, but I just would like to add and end with............OH MY GOD!

Never Too Late

2005-03-29T17:10:00.000-08:00

So I’m guessing everyone has ad least been in love once. I was and still like to convince myself that I am not, but the point is that we have all experienced it but if you find true love, doesn’t that mean there should be no more looking or searching? If it was the real thing then why are so many of us still out there? People might say because it wasn’t the right one, who would determine that and why would they know? My main concern is that I found that love once a while ago and now it has perished and gone on, but is that going to be my one and only chance at love? I know I can do better then that, I know I deserve another chance, that can’t be it! And this whole soul mate business, and by the way could they of come up with a cheesier way to put it? But, besides that, what is the definition of a soul mate? Is it someone that will be by your side your whole life loving and accepting you for just being you? If that is the case, then why must they make it seem that soul mates is a love interest and someone you can marry or be romantic with? I like to think of the close few in my life as soul mates, my friends and my family, the true ones who will stick by you and already have accepted you for you. Hear me out, you can be in a relationship with someone who you have yourself convinced is you soul mate and one day realize that it’s not what you thought you wanted. It happens, unfortunately to almost everyone, and it is not a bad thing at all. It is just sad that you thought it was there and so quick it won’t be. It happens to everyone so don’t start thinking it's you or there is something you did, IT HAPPENS! It can be peachy fucking keen one day then not. That’s life, but must we always tease ourselves with the whole “love” concept? I know I am a total hypercritic because being in love was the best feeling in the world and my problem is that I know all this and can give people this advice but I cannot personally accept it. I like to think I’m different when I know I’m not. I am just a normal girl who wants to find someone who will except all the weirdness built up inside me and to love my awkwardness that I can’t seem to escape. But, I don’t want to let that be a mission that takes over my life, I feel like I know I am only 22 years old but I feel like I lost it. It went away, but I have to know that I will feel that again, and I can’t be that unbearable that no one else out there can love my imperfections. Its self help is what it really is, not a cry for help. I write feelings that I don’t really like sharing certain things, not that I am ashamed but it’s hard to find someone who feels exactly the same way as you. Maybe that’s what a soul mate is? But, how boring would that be!

You Think You Know

2005-03-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

You really do never know. I dont want to pinpoint that into one specific incident but Im sure it will end up that way. You can wake up one morning with a completely different perspective on anything and everything. People can surprise you, you think you know, but truthfully people are completely full of the element of surprise. I am talking about this beacuse it just seems to me lately that people I know are doing things I would never though they had in them. They grow up, get down, change lives, and do stuff that you couldn't believe.

Im sure your wondering what I am pointing this babble about, and I really cant say. Its just an observation and I have a situations. I have one great one in particular and it is some fucking two faced son of a bitch cocksucker who I use to work with, you know the type all lies and bullshit. Well he could of been named the king of fucking bullshitville. He has been lying to me to my face for god knows how long and also to my boss doing unbelievable stuff to sabatoge our company. It is just unbelievable and I cant even let you know what he did because it is getting pretty ugly. I hope he gets what is coming to him. People like that deserve to get the shit kicked out of them.

On a brighter note......Now I have an actual reason to hate him. Before it was more of a pitty like with him? You know what I mean, the type that makes you feel sorry for them but you know dep down they are lame and you dont like them? Oh well life goes on right? I have been feeling extremly stress out with this whole situation that has been going on and now more so then any I need a vacation! I have no money and I dont know anywhere I could go that I wouldn't need money for. I should just get up and go and for just one day in my life not worry about where I will end what or what I am going to do. Do you ever feel like doing that? I need to do that to gain what little bit insanity I have left in my poor fragile little mind. Fucking A, growing up is lame and the older you get the more you realize who fucking stupid people can really be. Adleast the OC is on tonight, this day would be complete shit. See, if I had a Seth Cohen alike I wouldn't be so stressed out so much because of work, I would have a cute boy to go home to, no instead I have a hamster that I swear is the fucking anti-christ of hamsters. Her name is squirrel and she maked the most possesed sounding noise if you even try to pick her up, she does not let me touch her and she insist of putting ALL her food in her all plastic wheel and run top speed on the dot of 3am every night. She dispise me. All Ive ever done was love her but she insist on biting me. Does she not understand that I am soley the only person keeping her alive because I feed her and change her cage! Damn, what does that say that I cant even get a fucking hamster to like me. Well, apologies to anyone who expected a happy post, Im mad and Im tired and this post was perfect therapy to help with that, so wish me luck on having a better week.

Life and Death of a Lollypop

2005-03-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

Place: Mom and Dad's House
Time: about 3:30pm on Sunday the 20th
Invoved Parties: Me, Mom and Dad
Situation: Dad is weird

ME: "Hey guys Im here!"
DAD: (comes out of no where) "Hey Holly your gonna be a big sister"
ME: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
DAD: (shirt lifted) "I think Im pregnant"
ME: "Oh daddy, your gonna be a mommy!"
DAD: (by the way he does look about 8 months along, the man likes beer)
ME: "Hey Mom, Dad's pregnant!"
DAD: (showing off his extremely abnormally shaped beer belly)
MOM: "That's just disgusting Mike!"
ME: "Mom, now thats not very poliete, your insulting a new mother and you should know of all people should know thats rude."

Oh, yeah! I need to know that Im not going to die. I found a lollypop in the bottom of my purse. Do lollypop's expire? I hope not, because I kinda ate it. It looked so good! But I got the purse a few days after X-mas, so the oldest it could be is 4 months. Thats not to bad is it? But, I still kinda am concerned where it came from?

Give 'Em Hell Kid

2005-03-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

I apologize in advance for any matteral in my posts that may be a little "hard to handle" wait.....actually no I dont.

Last night was so much fun! We didnt end up going out until 11pm because my dumbass roomate locked her keys and cell phone in her car and we were waiting for her. So we all went down to Seal Beach and bar hopped down there for the short period we had. Well I dont know how this happens to me but, it can never be an early night can it? I dint go to bed until 4:30am and had to be at work at 8:30am, which by the way it takes me a good hour to get to work. I rolled over at 7:53am and kinda screamed a silent and simple "fuck." I ran out of that house and I am so proud of myself for remembering deoterant. I am so tired, thank GOD were not busy today.

So funny story, last night at the bar we ended up at, mind you I was DD, and all of a sudden I feel a light grab of the ass. Hmmm Kevin nor Amelia is no where to been seen? Who the hell just grabbed my ass! I turn around and see these 3 guys all looking in different directions and I also got a glimpse of a white shirt so I put two and two together and figured out it was the one in the white shirt. So I trun around look at him and asked, "did you just grab my ass?" he replies, "no, it was him" and randomly pointed at the first dude in his druken vision. He must of thought I was exceptionally dumb or lame, and I pull him to me so he can hear me whisper these words, "by the way that might normally work, but I am not drunk nor stupid." He gives me a scared look and his friend says, "Im sorry I made him do it" so naturally a bet had to been involved. So I polietly ask how much did you bet him? My ass grab was only worth $5! Fuck that give me $2.50 then for the pain and suffering of having a lame guy grope me. Well after that they were actually being extra nice and thanking me for being a good sport about it, and then he proceds to tell me how I am the most beautiful girl at the bar (come on say it with me....BULLSHIT) and starts talking about god knows what I wasn't paying attention, and asks me suddenly if I have a boyfriend, so acourse I lie and say yes. This couldn't of been more perfect, my friend Kevin walks by right then I grab him (and his ass) and interduce Kevin as my boyfriend who I am very much in love with. Good old Kevin, plays it off but insist to everyone else in the bar that we really are boyfriend and girlfriend, I had to dump him after that. Anyways needless to say, that guy didn't bug me for the rest of the night, and I got stuck with a Kevin.

Which Way Do I Go?

2005-03-17T12:08:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to be talking to an ex-boyfriend, who might I add is married, best friend who you use to hook up with before you meet the ex-boyfriend?

Is it wrong that I dont think so? I mean, we were friends before I ever meet the ex. I haven't talked to him in like year, and finally emailed him because I came across him on myspace (which is addicting BEWARE) and dropped a friendly hello, and we were writing back and forth and I mentioned we should get together and hang out so I gave him my new number. But somehere deep down I do feel a little wrong because of the situation. I would love him to be in my life as a friend again I miss him, and he is a great kisser =) Trust me if he made the move I wouldn't complain. But, because of my good/bad intentions does that make me a wrong person? I just hate the fact that I had so many friends and then all of a sudden I dont talk to half of them anymore due to my break up w/ the ex and people just moving on, but why should I let that be ok? Besides I dont need to be living my life to make sure I tippy toe around the ex, I mean after all he is the one who rean of and got married, I'm sure he wasn't the least bit concerned about my feelings when he did that.

Im patiently waiting for the day to come for someone new to enter my life. I need new. I live in a small city where unfortunatly all you have to do is go down to Michael's to have a fucking high school reuinon. What do I need to do? I NEED HELP!!!!!

I love The 80's

2005-03-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

I received this e-mail from my sister and couldn't of related more. I couldn't stop laughing and just having some crazy flashbacks. Man the good old days! When Care Bears were still cool.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair" and can do the "Carlton".

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.

7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom

8. Two words: Hammer Pants

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars....and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales "

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head

14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...and still know the turtles names.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side

17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten.(She's truly outrageous.)

21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted and when he wore that white glove!

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes with thermos's to school... and traded Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up".

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

41. You've gone through this e-mail laughing and nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. "Don't worry, be happy"

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down

46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - You give love a bad name.

55. You just sang those words to yourself

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts... (the shorter the better)

58. You remember when mullets were cool and rat tails!

59. You had a mullet!

60. You still sing "We are the World"

61. You tight rolled your jeans.

62. You owned a bannana clip.

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"

65. You had big hair and you used tons of harispray for your bangs...the wave!

66. You're still singing you give love a bad name in your head, aren't you!!!

Revalation on the 405

2005-03-09T08:27:00.000-08:00

As I was driving to work this morning still half asleep, my mind began to wonder.

I saw a bundle of balloons on the side of the freeway tangled up on a gate and all I could think about is how when you are younger and you let go of the balloons, or in my case loose them, but you think about them flying to outer space, or to China, Australia, shit even New York, but I just had an adult moment and realized that right off that freeway ramp exit is Wild Rivers Water Theme Park. And the balloons were Blue and Yellow which is a majority color for the theme park, and all I could think is how sad, it didn't even make it out of the city. Its sad when you have those childhood fantasies slowly fade and reality hits you. I should of had a hippy moment and pulled over and set the balloons free. But, I was really hungry and it was cold outside and I didn't have a jacket............

Another thing I pondered (my freeway 2 hours a day is my revalation time) and there are 2 types of people out there (well adleast when Im out there) and its the 8:15am and the 8:50pm people. Well theis doesn't apply to everyone but just us lucky top of the morning people. For some weird odd unexplainable reason I woke up and early and left ON TIME. So as I am driving I noticed just the whole ora of driving was so much more smoother and less stressful, but usually for me its cursing out the asshole in front of me who is going 20 mph with no one in clear view in front of them. And now it makes sense. The 8:15 ers dont have to rush, they make it to work on time, so far so good, so they end up having a great day because everything is going smoothly. Now, the 8:50 ers woke up hella late, started there day out by cussing out there alarm clock, running around the house trying to get ready, and Im sure in the process running into shit and just going completely all out crazy, and they don't have time for breakfest, there switching lane to lane realizing that it doesn't even fucking matter what lane they are in they all are slow and lame, then they hit every red light once you get off the freeway, its almost a joke. It is like Big Brother has their camera pointed directly at you and laughing there asses off knowing that you are so gonna get and trouble and they think it is the funniest thing in the world. But anyways, they are just doomed to have a shitty day. And that usually what happens. But, I am a special case. Oh yes, I have my own catergory of a I dont give a shit what time it is because no one else in my damn office shows up untill 10 anyways.

I Can't Handle The Truth

2005-03-03T10:45:00.000-08:00

So the Sales guy at my work just but in his 2 weeks today. Why do I feel slightly responsible? I know it is no where near my duing but, I have been extremely frustrated with him because well let me put it plain and simple: the guy doesn't work. I'll give it to him that he has ALOT of personal stuff going on in his life but, damn dude....we have NO DINERO!! ( I meant to spell money in spanish..I tried) We are in the make it or break it stage of our relationship/business. And I dont blame him for leaving he has a family he needs to be worrying about. So, now my sister might take over his job. Hmm........my older sister also as my boss? I dunno about that, I mean I love her and all but...........my boss? I hope that works out ok.

My Dirty Bird Mountain man friend got all hot again and shaved off his beard. DAMMIT! The beard was helping me get over him, now he has to be all cute again. Hey, adleast he got $150.00 out of all that beard wearing. He looked so bad with it. It was a good 5-6 months length on it and he looked awful, and I loved it. I was WAY to into him and that beard just helped me calm down and slowly get over him. And it just started to fly by then DAMMIT he's cute again.

I haven't had a boyfriend in about 2 years, and I am offically pissed off. Why you ask, I dunno I just am! I'm in a slump and the only thing I have pursuing me is my friend who confessed his love to me (see last post) and well that just aint going to cut it for me. Im realizing it is because I work to god damn much and all my firends are guys which gotta make it al little bit harder for guys to comfront me when we go out. AND the 3 girlfriends I have all have boyfriends, which makes it harder to draw them away form there dicks to come out with me. Why is it when girls get into relationships their whole world evolves around their man? BUT NEVER the other way around? Girls can be so lame in relationships, and I know what it is like to be in love, and I mean a real love. But, I never forgot me and the things I had in my life before them.

I need to brake down and admit to the world (or adleast the blogger world who thank god now one knows me...no offense) and admit that I Bopperholly want a boyfriend. Well, adleast today.

Another One Bites The Dust

2005-02-28T08:55:00.000-08:00

What to do, What to do. Last night my friend AA pretty much screamed and yelled at me for really (I believe) no apparent reason, except for asking him why he fast forward the academy awards (they have TiVo or some complicated shit like that). Well, AA didn't like that comment I made and just completely blew up. Agressed anger, I think so. So after a few minutes of him storming out of the living room and pretty much everyone looking at me like what the fuck was that? I went in his room and apologized if I hurt his feelings and that I didn't mean to. Well, I was a little mad that he got so upset with me, I didn't stick around to talk about it. Plus, I know this guy likes me so I din't want to have him poor his heart out to me right then and there, i was not ready for it. Espically, considering the fact I feel nowhere near the same towards him as he does for me. So, I continue with what I am doing and try to blow it off. Well, so he tries calling me after I left but, once again didn't feel the need to talk about it. He leaves me a message explaining how he has been really emotional lately and apologizing again to me. So I think OK it wasn't that big of a deal and he really didn't need to apologize again I was over the whole situation. Then first thing when I get to work I check my email, and he send me an email pretty much apologizing again, and also includes how much he cares about me and pretty much included a poem he wrote for me. It was a very sweet email ( and know I am not going to post it, I have some sense of consiteration.) But, Im weird nad I am the first to admit it. But when a guy is very obvious to me who they feel, and are extra in your face about it, it almost meaked me mad. I know that sounds weird, but listen...it make me mad that someone can feel so strongly about me and it makes me mad that I cant feel that way back. He is a cool guy, but my friend and I have nowhere near those feelings for him. Nowhere. And, it was a really sweet poem and women espically me would die to have someone they care about feel the same way and express there feelings to them like that. But, it is not the person who I want to send it to me. And now on top of everything I had to reply to his email with how I truly feel and I am sure it is not what he wanted to hear after pouring his feelings to me, but it needed to be know or else everytime I see him he is going to say comments to me, that quite frankly make me feel very uncomfortable since its someone who I am not into. Well, hopefully he can acept my friendship because that is all I can offer to him.

The Beating of Your Heart

2005-02-22T16:40:00.000-08:00

J.B - slow hands, love, music everywhere, desperate, mind lifting, life changing, true emotion
N.M - ackward, confused, trys, never will, hello moto, never again
P.T - missings, spirts remain high, let down, mixed up, friend?
T.M - broken, sincerity, lost, trys, I let down, delicate, fragile, scared
B.B - No ones listening, no idea, around, mocking, emotions careless
A.A - powerful, staring, scary, annoying, constantly ringing, too much
A.O - drugs, everywhere, streets, prision, love, first, hurtful, harm, depression, death
J.K - far away, good bye, benches need warmth, hurt, pain, lasting lifelong

You took her heart, and right through it flew away. Somwhere only I know, and will never escape. Love? No, but some close seconds.

Well Its Like This

2005-02-16T16:32:00.000-08:00

Time for some random thought floating around at this.....very.....moment......

*Going to see THE USED on April 1, 05 in San Diego, and no it is not a joke.
*Why do I hate work when its either extremely busy or extremly slow? What sucks though is there is no happy medium.
*Why do people feel like they always have to respond to your blog by giving there opinion on the type of person you are? I just read a blog about a girls 10 random things about herself and a guy commented by stating that from what he can tell she is in love with herself, but that was just his observation.
*What dont the rejects from American Idol last night get about the part that they are not good enough and they are not what they are looking for?
*Why do you have to dress up to work in a business, I should say a cubicle to sit there all day answering phones and typing away when you ralerly see anyone? I wear jeans everyday, no one notices.
*Am I the only person who thinks U2 new stuff the past few years is nothing special, actual I would catergorize it as....bad?
*Does anyone really think these jokes are funny? Because acording to the funniest jokes of all time list they are-"Animals may be our friends. But they wont pick you up at the airport."
*But is it weird that I found this one to be absoultly hilarious?-"I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it, Do not eat if seal is broken...So I opened up the box, and sure enough...."
*Why the fuck is the air conditioner on full blast at 5pm?
*And last but not least, Why the Hell did they cancel Mystery Science Theater 3000???????

Life is so odd sometimes.

Get Your Grammy On

2005-02-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

Happy V-Day Everyone!

But, enough of that. I have to give my props to the Grammy people who plan all the performance and so on. That was one bad ass show! They couldn't of opened the show any better then having Black Eyed Peas, Franz Fernandad, Gwen, and Maroon 5 rock the hell outta that stage! I was espically excited to see my new favorite band Franz rock out. Then I also have to say this is the first year I think they actually had various people win, because normally you have a Norah Jones or a Alicia Keys wipe out the whole show. But, hells ya for Green Day long overdue, Kayne who deserved to adleast win 1 award, Maroon 5 and Adam for being one hella fine man! =) Oh yea! And ya ya Usher. There were only 2 things that pissed me off (and thats pretty good) was the whole Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony duet? Was it just me or did it just resemble way to close to a really REALLY bad mexican soap opera? And GRRRRRR..........U2. Anyone except U2 I would have been happy winning the caterory for I believe best rock album?! The Killers are fucking amazing, Franz are just as if not more amazing (both are my new pleasures) was Modest Mouse in this one? Or maybe the alternative group, I dunno, and Green Day! COME ON! U2 has the most annoying song of the year. YEAYEAYEAYEAYEA....come on! No good comes out of a song that repeats YEA about 20 fucking times! I'm sorry but, reagardless of record sales, anyone of those other bands deserved that award, BUT I will give Bono a high five (oh! Miss...haha) for acknowledging the other bands for being the new age of amazing bands that I thank God for! Could you admagine if Backstreet Boys and O-Town were still ruling the air waves? *Need happy thoughts....QUICK*

Valentines = Drunk

2005-02-10T13:24:00.000-08:00

Well with Valentines Day creeping around the corner I just realized how much I dispise V-Day. Acourse its because I am one of those bitter single people who have no boyfriend (boy toys dont count on V-Day) and so I'm thinking bar scence defentially! Maybe meet some others who are in the same boat. Who's coming with me?!

A Little Help Here

2005-02-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

Can I ask the guys a questions?

Why would you call up a girl and ask them to hang out and ask if they wanted to hang out on super bowl and pretty much invite yourself to the party the girl is going to and never call back?
Why would they even call in the first place and make plans and an effort with the intention of not calling?

In General

2005-01-28T09:57:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like you just want to scream at the top of your lungs so you can let everyone in a mile radius know how extremely annoyed you are with everyone and their better then you attitudes, and how they are gods fucking gift to everything that is anything?! The people who ask and ask and ask for favors but the second you ask for a return favor they look at you like they cant belive that you even had enough nerve to mention such a favor in there presence! The ones who are so eager to blame and take everything out on you, or the one's that are just so self involved in what is only going to beneift themselves and not even care about all the hard work and self sacrafice that other has done for them and yet they can't do one little favor for you? Or the ones who piss and fucking moan every time one little thing does not go there way? They act like you should jump at the first note that comes out of their mouth and oh boy!....when it does not go the way they demanded all hell just blow up from underneath the rug and its complete and total chaos. They slam doors, and yell and scream at you, and whine until they get their way or whenever they feel better and are over it. I am so beyond annoyed with dealing with people who you go out on a limb for and will help out with as much as possible and yet you need or ask for one little thing they act like you are nothing and should fuck off. I am so DONE! I am so sick of dealing with everyones rudeness and demands. I am so OVER it. I am not having a good day. ****** This isn't pinpointed at anyone in particular it is just what I have built up and I just needed to release it before I blew up. Thanks.

We Dance to All the Wrong Songs

2005-01-25T16:02:00.000-08:00

I have been offically bored for the past week at work. Surprised I haven't written anything sooner? Yeah, Ive been anti-computers. So I am probaly the last person in the world who has heard of this guy....Tucker Max? He has a webpage and it is the greatest thing I have every read. I develop a rare case of A.D.D when I am browsing on the internet. 5 Minutes max, and could you belive this guy lurked me into his stories from what he says are all true for 1 hour! I could not belive I stared and laughed at this one guys stories for 1 hour! Ok, that is a really LONG time. Granted, it didnt even have pictures! Well, thats a lie....except for the pictures he posted of his ex-girlies that all his stories relate to. Damn, and let me tell you, he has meet some serious ones in need of promt medical and psychological attention. Ok, enough about him. Back to me....

I have a friend we have offically declared our mascot "The Dirty Bird." This will be a easy one to figure out. He hooks up with just about anything that has a beer in there hand. He is the dirtest bird I have EVER meet. And he is my best friend and I love hime, but damn.....he is worse then a girl to, he will stop talking to a girl because of resons like...."She makes a funny face when were doing it..." or my Favorite...."She smells....BAD." I had to stop him form telling her that is the reson he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. Me, being a girl, and yes I know...having a few relationships just not work out I can probally say that just not returniong phone calls and leaving it as that is way better then dealing with the humiliation of having a guy your into tell you that he cant stand being with you because you smell. We have delt with the let down of just not having a guy call you back, I dont care who you are it happens to all of us. But, could you imagine the humiliation of that? And if I know my friend, he would probally be an ass about it. So I figured I would save the poor girls heartbreak and let another deal with her stinky ass.

Poker Face

2005-01-19T11:06:00.000-08:00

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player!

Smile Now and Later

2005-01-12T11:54:00.000-08:00

I got these off of www.ebaumsworld.com and they made me laugh at loud. Check them out. Warning: They are quite dirty! But, everyone deserves a chuckle.

Quick Joke:

man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your boobs dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Quick Joke 2:

A gay man named Roger goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Roger, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Roger is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"
The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"
"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."

Quick Joke 3:

A Mom is driving her little girl to a friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother warns. “It is not polite.”
“Ok,” the little girl says. “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “these are personal questions, and really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and daddy get a divorce?”
“That is enough questions, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom wouldn’t tell me anything,” the little girl says to her friend.
“Well,” said the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card—it has everything on it.” Later that night, the little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you are. You are 32.”
The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?”
“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.” The mother is past surprise and shocked now.
“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”
“And,” the little girl says triumphantly, “I know why you and daddy got a divorce.”
“Oh really?” the mother asks. “And why’s that?”
“Because you got an F in sex.”

Pork Chops and Apple Sauce

2005-01-11T14:30:00.000-08:00

It finally stopped raining!!!! I thought it would never end. I really enjoy it when it rains but it was starting to creep me out there for a minute. As sad and I shouldn't even compare it to the horrible tsumani that happen in the east, but now it just kind of opens your eyes a bit and think. I can see cleary now the rain has gone! If I am not mistaken from my boss who knows how exceptionally guliable I am and told me it is suppose to rain again, but Im just gonna have to wait for Dallas Rains for that report!

Ha, I just thought of how on Staurday night we all went out for my friends b-day and came back to my house for all the drunkin ones to sleep and my roomates girlfriends brother (neighbors cousins dog......) fell asleep on our couch that adleast 1 of my could of passed out on but I decided hey! Everyone in my room! Were having a slumber party! Boys are boring to slumber party with. 2 of them passed out instintly as me and my friend (whos b-day it was) layed in my bed conteplating what mean tricks we could do to them and before I knew it I heard the most god awful snooring coming out of my friend Rays mouth. It was the worst thing I have ever heard in my life! I couldn't sleep all night. Im surprise the fucking dogs next door weren't barking. I didnt ever play a prank yet and he was already getting me back with his snooring! And you know what is replaying in my head right now? "It's raining its pouring Ray is fucking loud and snooring!" Like I said, I couldn't sleep and I am just too kind to make him sleep in the bathroom, but next time..... I aint gonna be so nice. Ray Ray is gonna sleep on the Couch Couch!

1 Sec = 1 Comment = $1.00 = 1 life potentially saved.

2005-01-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

http://www.californiahammonds.com

His name is Greg and his wife passed away from Breast Cancer, and what he is doing is just amazing. For every comment made up tp 500 comments he will be donating a doolar. ($1.00 per comment=$500.00 500 comments). We just lame De-Lurking day so people would use it to get the random comments, but this isnt a lame way to get comments from people, what he is doing here is something I would only wish I had someone do in honor of me. So please take a sec, comment, and check it out.

Sticks, Stones and Lazors

2005-01-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

I am having way to much fun with my new cool laser pen I got from my boss today. He should have never given it to me. Bad enough the people here think I'm odd enough now I am scaring the shit out of them with the lasor. Oh, my job. These people walk around with sticks up there asses permantaly and her comes little ol' me and I dont think they have the slightest clue how to deal with it. I am all about making the best of it and well since this job sucks I feel the need to make the best of it. Too bad not everyone here feels the same way. It would be way more enjoyable that is for sure. By working here I have master the art of blogging (well I shouldn't say master as much as discovered), started reading The Da Vinci Code (which is a faboulos book FYI), seen about every video circa 1992-2005 on LAUNCH brought to you by Yahoo, and so on. Dont get me wrong I bust my ass here, but I feel the need to take a step back, sit down and enjoy life. Beacuse before you know it your going to be one of those people with a stick up your ass and the purpose of someones blog entry.

Dead Men Tell No Lies

2005-01-05T09:33:00.000-08:00

I have decided not to do the traditional 1 new years revolution, but to do a bunch because I know I need it:

1.) Save Money and Actually open a savings account and DONT TOUCH IT!
2.) Focus on going back to school
3.) Learn to listen better
4.) Learn to wear my emotions better
5.) Be more involved in whats going on in my families life
6.) Learn to be nicer to my mom and dad (they mean well)
7.) I am going to stop worrying so much about what is going to happen tomorrow and focus on today. I have finally learned how to not rush things, if it is ment to be it will happen.
8.) Continue to not cut my hair (my one and only one I stuck with last year! (thankyou thankyou)
9.) Im going to start writing and drawing more. I miss that.
10.) Im also going to get back into photography beacuse its sad when you forget how much yopu love something.

I can go one, beacause I know I have a bunch more. But, its nice to keep some things personal.

I had a great New Years to start all that off. I was suppose to go down, or up to Vegas with some buddies of mine, but the dolla bill kept me from going. So, as all my friends went there or the few that were stuck working all night I decided to go to a New Years party at my other of the two best friends house because last minute she decided to have a party. Well, I was not going to go at first because I didnt want to go by myself but let me tell ya, I had a blast! Everyone there was so nice which is hard to come by, espically when there's those girls who act like they dont fart? Yeah you know what Im talking about! To my surprise there was no one there like that! It almost felt not right but come on like Im gonna complain about that. But, I did have to let go of a blast from the past that came in outta left fucking field and had a very hard time finding his way back home. He decided the fact that I wrote him a letter (he is stationed in Hawaii) ment that I deperatly needed to get back with him? Ok, I missed something here. But, he was not willing to deal with the fact that just because he showed up (with out my knowledge) and demanded me to see him all the time. I swear I had 7 missed calls from him in a 1/2 hour period. I remembered why I dumped him in the first place. Stalker, scary staus. But, alas he has not called me in a few days so hopefully he can except the fact that it has been 5 years since I last saw him, and I have changed and moved on with my life and dont want to drop my whole life exsistence beacuse I sent him a letter telling him hello and I hope everything is going good and if you need a pen pal if you get bored you can write me. I sent that letter as a peace offering for all the bad that happened between us, I wanted him to know that was the past and I hope we can at the very MOST be friends. Here let me build you a time line here of our well, I guess time:

1.) Meet at 15
2.) Friends
3.) Saw eachother for a year at 16-17
4.) He hated me for calling it off
5.) Sent letter when I found out he was in the military 22 offering a friendly hello!
6.) 3 Months later I get him on my doorstep then DRAMA all over again
7.) That is the end of that.

*Note to self---Move forward, not backward.

2004-12-27T15:18:00.000-08:00

"You really got your hold on me. Got to get away from me. Nobody's Listening."

I have a problem. Commintment? No, I dont think so. I think I have this image in my head of exactly what I want. And anyone who knows me can tell you how I dont change my mind very easily and if I do its my doing, not anyone else. I am just messing everything up. Is it wrong that this guy is here but he is leaving to go back to Hawaii where he is stationed and I feel extremely wrong about something but I dont know why? I dont think what I am doing is wrong. I know he likes me but I also know that he still has 3 years he has to dedicate to his country and I am not all that sure if he's worth waiting the 3 years. I want to find someone who can be there for me and be around adleast the same state. I am being selfish on this one, but I am in a point in my life I need to worry about myself more then the Joe down the street. My selfihness and all about me attitude is really just a cover up I have attached to. It is suppose to help me from getting hurt or walked over. And I think its working but I have gotten it laid out to me two ways: 1) 'Wow you have this confidence about you that is quite intimadating about yourself, I like that" 2) (from one of my best guy friend) "You know what your problem is? You have been so hurt in the past that you have built this thick wall in front of you to block anyone or anything that is on the outside that can evidentially hurt you, and you are being so stubborn about maintaing this wall that you are potentially blocking away not only the bad but the good because you are so scare to getting hurt again." Well I dont think I even know that much about myself, shit. And the sad part? Its true, not only do I know thats true but the other 2 friends who witnessed this truthfullness also were nodding there head like, "yeah! Thats what I think! I totally agree." See what happens you give your friend a couple cocktails you get the truth, and I mean not the sugar coated truth but the stone cold truth. And that is why I love them.

Old Flame still Burning?

2004-12-23T09:19:00.000-08:00

So my ex is down from Hawaii where he is stationed in the Marines, and I haven't seen him in 3 years and I shit you not it is like he never left. We were up til 4:30 am this morning just shooting the shit and talking about everything and everything and it was great. But he said something Im not to sure how I should take it. I hate it when I cant tell if people are joking or serious, usually I am but this threw me off guard. We are talking about going togethre to Vegas for New Years since he was planning on going and all my friends are going so we figured we would go together, and somehow married became apart of our converstation and bam......he said we should get married and move to Hawaii with him, and on top of that they get paid more if you are married I think he said $1,200 more a month (I think). Hmm.......I think my heart dropped at that point and I said married shouldn't be a scam for money, and this is the part that made me stopped, look at him and wonder, "Are you serious?" He replied with a simple well if you love eachother it wouldn't be a scam. Oh my got the L word? WHAT?!!! There goes Holly running out the door but for some strange reason I couldn't stop staring at him wondering if he was serious or not. I didn't know what I should say or do. I still don't know what to say. I don't know if I love him. If you ask Amelia she swears I do or else I would of never tracked down his mom to find his address actualy write him a letter, mail it, and for me to act on such a rare impolse is weird. We went out back in the days and I knew he loved me then, but that was such an odd stage in my life I had no idea what I wanted or what I was capable of loosing. 5 years down the road, multiple noboys coming in and out of my life, heartaches, changes he is still fresh in my mind and he's still one of the most awsome people I have ever meet. Am I too young though? I have already had my heart ripped out and stepped on by another, and am I ready to give this another try?

Me I Want A Hula Hoop

2004-12-21T09:24:00.000-08:00

Another day in paradise. I dont know what is going on, but work has been so shitty lately. You can only blame so much on the bah-humbugs and stress of the holidays. I just wished I was more prepared for christmas you know! 364 days is just not enough of a head up. I am almost offically done shopping, no wait Im the unoffical done shopper. I only have one more person left because its what I forgot at the mall the last and only time I plan on going for a very l-o-n-g time, but its the only place I can get it at besides well, another mall. So I am procrastinating on that big time. Its like volunteering yourself to go into battle, but wait, people actually do that dont they. Its like that then, you see no one twisting my arm when I say Im going to the mall, you just hear the outcries of encourgement like, "dumbass, or is she feeling alright? I think she might be retarted!". 'No, my family loves me. They wouldn't never call me that.

The Chase

2004-12-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

I'm having yet another delima and would LOVE some outside opinions on the matter:

I know this guy Nick and we have been seeing eachother for quite a few months since August I belive and we dont hang out very often but he calls me about everyday or I get the wonderful Text Messages. He's a really cool guy but, hes 24 still lives at home, doesn't have a job and well really never makes a huge effort to see me. He does live far and has been going to school for 16 units? I think. But, I was pretty into him when I first meet hime but he did the whole flake thing way to often so I took a step back and said if he wants to see me then he needs to make the effort because I was sick of hearing the LAME excusses. Well he did make a huge improvemnet and things were going better then one night while we were heavly hanging out and well he ended up staying the night, and let me say I have no regrets for doing so because it was a long time and well I needed it. But, now im really not that into him anymore. He now seems more interested and now he calls me all the time, but now it just is too late. He is a great guy who I have a lot of fun with but I dont get the funny butterfly feeling that I use to get with him and I feel like once that feeling is gone it isn't fun anymore. I like that giddy feeling I get when I am really into someone, and now it just seems almost annoying. I feel really bad but we has the whole agreement that we were just hooking up and having fun and bothing serious, and I think what turned me off about him was that I got set up on a blind date and when he asked me how it went I told him the truth that I had a great time (I really did) and it was alot of fun. Once I said that I felt the jealousy and that turned me off because he started acting very weird and like a jealous boyfrind. Im sorry Im not into that espically if you are not my boyfriend. Why is it when you stop acting like you care is when they actually start caring?

Tom-ate-to

2004-12-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

So I just want to let everyone know that Jack in the Box is out of Tomato's! WHAT?!! I know, I went in there last week and they told me that I could not have a tomato on my chicken sandwich. Oh boy I wanted to jump over the counter and smack her and say, "Get me my damn Tomato!!! AHHHHH" FYI, I was PMSing at this time of the week, so I belive that is forgivable of my action-thoughts. Well, I was almost about ready to ask why they were out of tomato's when a sign caught my attention, and it read "Due to the recent Hurricanes we are experiencing a shortage of Tomato's....." Um, Hurricanes? They get there tomatos in Flordia? I mean doesn't California have a decent supply of Tomato's? Shit, I could get them my dad's number he has a shit load of Tomato's and Im sure he wouldn't mind selling them some. I mean If I owned a fast food chain like that I would walk my ass across the 3 parking spots that seperate Jack in the Box to the Vons located right behind them and by some tomato's. Im sorry but I am one of those people who cant have a burger with them, and I know I am making a deal outta this but it was so hard to belive it was commical.

Well with Christmas right around the corner knocking on my door shoving it in my face I am being quite the Bah-Humbug this year. Im thinking its mostly from the Lack of Funds I am experiencing and the list of people to buy for just keeps getting longer and longer. I know when its christmas morning it will hit me and Im sure i'll be a little bit more christmassy but Im not really feeling it now.

Just a Little Reminder

2004-12-07T11:12:00.000-08:00

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.(13 for us boys)

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner

In Case of Emergency

2004-12-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

Ok, bring on the Bitch Fest:

Why are old people allowed to drive? Seriously, im not trying to been mean or discrimination but come one! the old lady next to me cut in from of me across the car pool lanes (she was in the carpool) and didnt even try to signal when there was an opening for her to merge about 5 seconds ago, and as she was cutting me off pissing me off I should say, she ended up cutting off 3 motorcycle riders who were in clear view of her if she would of looked before cutting across the lanes and cause 1 to almost fall off his bike cuz they had to slam on there brakes so quick. Well I though this was the funny part, as they drove off the last motorcycle driver kicked her side door. Is that bad I couldn't stop laughing?

Why are cell phones given to incompitant people who first off cant drive worth shit then you give them a device that all of a sudden makes there 65 mph speed limit drop to 40 mph? Bad enough half these people can barely chew gum and walk but, talk on the phone and try to concentrate on the road? Impossible! This little girl (shit little she probaly was my age 22) had one arm wrapped in back of the passenger head seat and the other holding her phone? I know. Picture traffic flow picking up to about 60-70 mph on the 405 south in prime time 8am traffic on a friday morning. Not exactly the best time to be practicing driving with you feet! She was swerving all over the lane. I cut that lame ass off quick style. She was bound to smash up someone.

And last off, come on Chinesse people! Im sorry but I live in a prominate chiness/ Vietnamess city. Shit our tourist attraction is Little Siagon! And they are everywhere!!!!! They drive 20 mph in a 45 zone, they leave there blinkers on for 5 miles before they actually turn. Its like a guessing came I swear! They can barely even she over the stearing wheel. This morning this asian dude did the whole merge lane too slow merrge back opps too slow again merge merge merge!!! He must have been pissed off because he ended up behind me about 6 times durning our driving experience. And worse everytime I made sure he saw me laughing my ass off. And worse then all this? An old Asian on a cell-phone. Oh god, Im getting a bus pass.

Birthday Chart

2004-12-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

Whatcha Think Guys? Pretty Dead on? Let me know what you think!!!!

JANUARY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great soci! al abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious._______________________________________________

FEBRUARY:Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent andclever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions._______________________________________________

MARCH:Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody._______________________________________________

APRIL:Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see._______________________________________________

MAY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift._______________________________________________

JUNE:Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite andsoft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn._______________________________________________

JULY:Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the ! past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits f or friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover._______________________________________________

AUGUST:Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egotistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and! trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends_______________________________________________

SEPTEMBER:Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic._______________________________________________

OCTOBER:Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn'tpretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children._______________________________________________

NOVEMBER:Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Uniqueand brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strongclairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable_______________________________________________

DECEMBER:Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical

Thats my Bush!

2004-12-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

The U.S. president also made a tongue-in-cheek referenceto the supporters he saw among the protesters as his motorcade drove through Ottawa."I'd like to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave, with all five fingers, for their hospitality," he said.

You know what!I want to thank Rite Turn Only for posting this in his blog. Check it out http://66.221.49.64/ The media makes it seem that everyone hates us! I know there are alot of people out there who dont neccessary agree with our tantics, but damn people like us, they really like us!

Sex, Lies and Tattoos

2004-11-30T19:15:00.000-08:00

So I haven't written in a week and well I have nothing too crazy to talk about. I went to the Social Distortion concert on Saturday night at the Wilthern in Los Angeles. It was amazing, Tiger Army opened up for Social D and I absoutly love them! They sang a little too fast but its all about that stand up bass! Then I got to drive back to LA and hang out for 6 hours as my friends car died after the concert and then got his keys locked in his car then we got to wait for a tow truck............we pretty much were stuck in a little grassy lot in the middle of the ghetto freezing our asses off. I have never seen so many fine ass tattoo men in my life though! I ended up doing more "people" watching then actually watching Mike Ness rock out. Oh well it was all dandy.

I had a run in with my old best friend who I was the Maid of Honour in her wedding. She randomly popped up at my house with her hubby and there baby girl Madison. Who was just absoultly adorable. I miss her so much, I dint think I did but after seeing her I really do. She is up in Sacramento now trying to get there shit together (drama drama) then hopefully moving down here by Spring. I cant wait, Im a Auntie! We had a falling out over a year ago due to differences of opinions and lifstyles, and hopefully the time spent apart can help our friendship. I need her back in my life, too many good times and faboulos memories.

Just out of curiousity: How would you deal in this situation? A girl I know lets say "C" got in a nasty ass fight with her boyfriend because, well, he's an alcoholic. And hes also 35 years old and shes 22. She swore (and I have heard this one before) she was going to leave him if she caught him one more (x1000) time drunk passed out on his cough she was going to leave. Let me break this down when she meet him she knew he was a recovering alcoholic and that he had 5 DUI's and obvioulsly didnt drive (hence the 5 DUI's there goes the lightbulb!) well she meet him at work and had werid older men fantisies about him and decided she was going to act on them. Next thing I know Im meeting lets call him "AA" (haha) and there you go full blown relationship. Well last Wednseday I was having a guy Im interested in coming over to hang out, and right as he is pulling up I get a call from "C" histarically crying saying she needs to go to a hospitol and get stitches! Her fingers falling off! It wont stop bleeding! She full went to his house to pick him up to stay the night then on Thanksgiving go to his parents house for grub and good times. Well she walks in the door and noticed him passed out on the couch, and in his case passed out=drunk. They started fighting and she threw a glass folwer vase at him and shattered it everywhere and sliced her middle finger off. Ouch, I stayed on the phone w/ her as she was yelling about everything that just happen. And I run out and bought a "First Aid Kit" (gauze and tape) and stitched her right up. Well that guy who was there is a puss and cant stand the sight of blood, and he totally got grossed out. I felt like such a man! I took care of everything! But here is the thing, "C" was talking to me about how much she loves him and wants him back, and if she's going to take him back, and so on, She was going off for like a good 20 minutes untill I not-rudley interupted here and asked in a very loving, sincere way, "C, after tosing a vase at his head have you maybe thought that he might not want to take you back?" I really don't think she every thought that and I could tell in her eyes that she didn't want to hear it, and shit, its always me that has to say it.

My cat died. Very sad. She was my favorite thing in the world. Her name was Tigera and she was 14 years old when she passed away on Thanksgiving. Poor thing had an Ulcer. She was such a cool kat, and the best thing about her was that she loved to be petted with your feet. You just had to sit on the couch all comfty and she was just have her way with your feet. Ok, that sounded kinda bad. Sorry if you haven't noticed I pretty much just type and let my fingers do the magic, I dont really think before I say anything. She was a great cat and I miss her and love her though and I just wanted a moment to share that. We also have a cat named Tink who we have had for about a year who is so cool, she is chilling on top of my computer as I write away. She's just watching me admiring my beauty, who is sad because Tigra is gone but is almost looking at me saying that she's sorry and that She is sad too. And about 2 weeks before Tigera died, a weird new Black cat started lurking around our back yard. It turnes out that our neighbor got it to kill the rat problem they were having but instead moved out right when they got him. So he had no where to go and found his way to our home. The timing is too coniencidential to look pass. We named the new cat Boomer, and Boomer and Tigera always looked like they were hanging out talking, chilling you know what cats do. And bam a few days later Boomer is sleeping in my newphews room and is part of the family. Its strange, cats have always just managed to get drawn to us.

If you know your on my heart why are you standing in one place?

2004-11-23T11:05:00.000-08:00

I hate guys. You are all the same. Take my heart and stomp it into the ground, I cried at fucking work yesterday beacuse of his dumb ass. I am so DONE! I going to have the philosophy of if I don't look or expect it, it will naturally find me. Right? Thats how it works? You act like you dont give a shit and they love it, dont wear your emotions on your sleeves, dont be desperate, dont act like it bothers you whan it really does. I dont know what to do or what to think. Why cant a awsome, fun, cute, smart, intellagent man find me? Why must I look. Times are so different, I hate being the one who has to go out of my way to introduce myself or start talking to a guy who seems interesting. I want to find someone to make my heart stop and knock me off my feet. Why cant I find this? Am I too worried? Do I care? I dont know.............

No, I get a guy who randomly asks me out by asking if I want to make out later. Classy huh! I want to be wined and dined. I want to go on a date and have a guy actually care what I have to say or what I know. I am picky though, which doesn't help. Im thinking either a Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Phillippe, Adam Brody, Justin Timberlake, Jude Law or a Johnny Depp. Either one will do, it doesnt have to actually be them, but just close to them. But he has to be a little bit of a bad boy like Colin Farrell. I love the Sexy bad boy image he has going for him. Which defentaly does not work for anyone, but when it does it is damn good.

David vs. Golith

2004-11-22T10:33:00.000-08:00

So I was gone camping all weekend in Santa Barbara, so I just heard about the Indiana Pacers ves. Fans confortation in Detroit. They were stating that there might be criminal charges aganist the basketball players. Ok, their bad they should have kept it cool, but are we that eager to forget that these 7" foot talls ass dudes are still regular people and if some guy I dont know threw shit at me and was talking shit I would have punched his ass too! So what now? That fan can sue Artest and etc.... that is bull shit and nothing is going to happen to that fan that started the whold thing by throwing objects at him! What about the fan, can the basketball player sue him? Acourse he can right? Am I not seing something here?

Facts of Like

2004-11-19T13:01:00.000-08:00

Can Guys and Girls just be friends?

I had an interesting converstation with this guy I am seeing on this. He says it is just absoutly impossible to just be "freinds". I kinda believe him, but with an exception. I have quite a few guy friends which Im sure who don't necessarily like me like that but would probaly sleep with me. I think each guy/girl has one true opposite sex friend that you would never admagine is a million years you would end up with, but it does seem that usually one or the other person has s slight crush on them. I have a best guy friend who knows me too well to ever like me but I wonder sometimes if I was to initiate it would he? Trust me, I dont want to though, I need adleast one guy who I can talk to like a true freind, get the man's opinion. But, maybe its just not ment for men and women to be just friends. Hear me out, there is always (admit it already) adleast one guy friend you have that you secretly want to jump them so that technically makes it a one sided friendship, if they both felt that way they wouldn't be friends. Then you have the boyfriend Girlfreind title, they might think they have this wonderful best friend, false your not suppose to fuck your best friend. Also when you break up and you do the more then often,"Well I hope we can be friends" and you try for a few weeks/months and the second they get involved with someone else there Pissed Off! Why though? If your just friends why would they be mad?

What do you think?????

My Eyes Burn

2004-11-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

I havent written in a while because Im experiencing something that I like to call Worst Week Ever! It all starts on Friday Night. Im suppose to go on a date to the movies with this guy Ive been on and off talking to, well I guess his friend Ryan is better in bed than I am because I got ditched for him. Oh but wait, he invited me to hang out with them (how sweet) Right. So I told him to fuck off and I took my sweet ass to a party in Redondo Beach which helped my un-disirable ness because if I do say so, I was the cutest girl there. Its amasing how by going out to a party can make you feel so much better. Im not cocky conceided, I just think Im a catch. And Im not a girl hater-I love meeting new people, espically if its a cool girl, hey its all good to me! But, these girls Ive been meeting lately at partys are seriously lame! Annoying is a good word too. But oh boy, my guy friends love the annoying slutty girls who all they talk about are there boobs. EX: Stupid short blonde girl from Saturday night party in Fountain Valley, 18 years old, fake blonde, sounds like she sucked up hellium, ya you know the type. Well so I manage to collect a huge headache.

So Friday night I also had a freak accident invloving a cat, my car and me in the middle of the street screaming/crying. I was very dramatic this weekend. But this was not exaggerated. I was driving to my moms house to pick up my new ATM card because my number got stolen (that is how I started my week, im still recovering so Im just gonna break down the weekend, and I got so stoned to block it out so honestly I just dont remember what happen) So im going seroiusly 20 mph down our street and all of a sudden I hear a large THUMP and I felt something litterly run into the side of my 4 runner. I ran out of my car and the cat was laying in the middle of the street and it wasent moving untill I walked over and it jumped up and ran away. Well, I felt like shit so I went to the house and told them what happen and they found the cat and it was bleeding out of the mouth, and was breathing irregularly, so they took it to the kitty doctor. I have never cried so much in my life. Also by it being a already terrible day turned into the worst week ever. I almost lost my job, almost killed a cat, got flake on by a date, was told I might not get a pay check because of lack of funds from work, so on etc blah blah blah.....

And yesterday I experience the worst migraine ever, but I made it go away with viccain. I full on left work it was soooo bad. I never do that, then naturally they made me feel like shit this morning. Oh, I really need to cut some loose ends.....

Ramble on......Sing my song.....

2004-11-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

So, Im really not having anything of much importance to talk about. Rarely different form any other day (Right). So I figure if I dont think and just type away, your more then likely gonna get the truth or confused. I manage to do both wonderfully!

*RANDOM THOUGHT OF GUYS: This guy who worked in the accounting department in a sister company of our left a few weeks ago because he was offered a better job. Trust me, McDonalds is a way better job then that company he had to work for. Well he is this cute little 30 year old asian guy who is way to smart and way to nice. Well, he emailed me asking him to go to lunch with him beacuse he misses me? Hmm....the little dude has a girlfriend, and I have had bad experiences with stalker status asian's (no offense, I've had a bad experience) And well like I said he has a girlfriend, and he is one of those guys that makes the comments that give that weird feeling you dont really like, and you stop and think to yourself "Please PLEASE tell me he doenst like me, I cant take 1 more guy who likes me that Im not interested!!!" I hate shutting guys down, it gives me the bitch reputation, but......Im going to scream! It only seems its the ones I have no interest in what so ever. Shit, I know Im picky but come on.......I aint settling for no one or nothing! So, should I spare him the tyrouble and not go to lunch with him? Or rein my tittle of Bitch?

*RANDOM THOUGHT OF BASEBALL: Why the hell did do they want to change the name of the Anaheim Angels to the Los Angeles Angels? Talk about an identity crisis........I live very close to Anaheim, and might I mention something that I though would be obvious but apparently isnt......WERE NOT IN LOS ANGELS OR EVEN LOS ANGELES COUNTY!!! Having said that, I have been a Angels fan ever since I could remember. Baseball is my sport, and the Angels have been my team for many, many years. Why would they even consider this? They have the Dodgers, why not adleast let us have Anaheim Angels. There going to do the same thing they did to the Los Angeles Clippers. Completely make it so nobody gives a shit because there is a more reconizible team from the same city, and not saying that the Dodgers are any better or any worse because I respect both teams, but unfortunate as it is the Dodgers are a more reconizible name and better know. If you desperatlt need to change the name maybe consider the Orange County Angels? Maybe a tuffer GRRRRR kind of name like the Anaheim Hells Angels? No........Just don't.

Revised-"about me" (Take 2)

2004-11-09T13:46:00.000-08:00

*I live in California
*I Live with 3 roomates, 2 Ive known since kidnegarden
*I drive a new car I got last weekend
*I am a Virgo
*I work at a lame job
*The love of my life just got married last weekend
*I am ok
*All my friends are in relationships
*I am very picky
*I am addicted to red bulls
*I love music
*I would love to one day become a famous photographer
*I have a dog named Tremor who pee's everytime he sees me.
*It actually makes me feel loved
*I am 5'8 which sometimes I wish I was a little shorter
*I am scared to death of spiders, and well I just dont care for bugs
*I want to go to Rome, Itlay, Hawaii, and New York
*I have driven from California to West Virgina
*I love to draw
*My friends are drama
*It takes me a long time to trust people
*I have had my heart broken 4 times
*I have broken many
*I won most memorable in my senior year of high school
*I wonder if they remember me
*I want to fall in love, it is the best feeling in the world
*I just dont want to get hurt
*I know to much useless knowledge
*I am really into this whole blogging concept
*But besides that I hate computers
*I use to smoke way too much weed
*Now I wish I still did
*I wish I had a tan
*I want 5 kids someday
*I want to get married once and do it right
*But not for a long time
*I love going out with my friends
*But I dont like going to clubs
*I am too honest
*I dont use my own advise
*I could live off of sushi
*My favroite Actor is Johhny Depp
*My Favorite actress is Drew Barrymore
*But the hottest are Jude Law and Ryan Phillippe
*The best movie ever is Garden State
*The best bands are Sublime, Finch, Linkin Park, Thrice and The Used
*I am in a boring stage
*I could go on forever but I dont like people to know me too much...........I enjoy the element of surprise.

Santa wants to send me to the Bahamas

2004-11-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

Here goes my random thoughts of the day: (its a sloooow day....)

Santa = Bahamas? Hmmmm.....I dont think I've been good enough this year. Oh, if there was only such a thing. Maybe some of my nice friends will role play Santa this year? Maybe? No? Ok....I got this ridiculous idea from an email I just received asking me if I want Santa to send me to the Bahama's for Xmas. I would Prefer Greece or Ireland.

I want a guy to write a song about me, but not a sad depressing song about how you got your heart broken, and now you want to kill yourself. I think that is the best thing I could receive as a gift from someone that means so much to me, beacuse you know they sat down and thought it through and who knows how long it took them, and on top of that its all about you! Whats not to like about that.

I am becoming sickly obsessed with Texas Hold'em. I got the game on my new cell phone and had no idea how to play and know I could write a fucking book about it. I mean is that what my life is comming to 22 and addicted to gambling. I am in some serious need of professional help. (Plus Side) Adleast its not real money! Not yet.............."Hey anyone wanna go to Vegas baby?"

So I think Im going to become a perment Flapper, I wonder if they have professions like that? I was looking at pictures from halloween, and I wish I looked like that everyday. I have never gotten so much loving from the homies! =) (sorry ghettoness popping out) But serious, why couldn't we wear stuff like that everyday as normal attire without people making assumptions about the type of person you are. And trust me, I really dont give 2 shits what people think ( I consider that one of my good qualities) I really just dont care but, there is no way I could where that to work, and by the way where I practically spend every waking second of my life (well seems like it adleast). There already think Im weird.

Not Today

2004-11-08T13:57:00.000-08:00

Today just isn't the day to talk to me, look at me or generally be in the same room as me. My work sucks, and well my manager sucks even more. Have you ever had one of these? Where if something goes wrong on there end it magically becomes your fault? You somehow get tricked into apologizing and then you realize, "What the hell am I apologizing for?" I dont kiss his or anyones ass here, if it is my fault I will be the first one saying sorry my bad. But, when it comes to taking the blame for someone else, im not cool with that. Grow some balls and face up. Grrrr........they make me so mad. It was my best friends birthday on the 6th so naturally like any other weekend, we partied and didnt sleep, except for my occasional Sunday reutine where I go to mom's house and sleep on the couch and get really, really lazy. I gotta catch up on my sleep, and fast.

Where starting worst pick up line list. I found this one on my little Smiley Central. I have alot more but this one mad me HA a little bit. What is up with the pick up lines? I've never heard one that made my say, "oh my god, Im defentially going home with him" I remember the cornest one I heard was, "Hey, if I give you a quarter will ya call me?" Obviously before the world was taken over by cell phones. But, it still to this day makes me laugh and wonder if it actually worked on anyone? So if your out there and you remember me from 6 years ago standing in front of the Taco Bell in Garden Grove I need to know if that line ever worked so use that quarter and let me know.

Stumbling on the Bandwagon

2004-11-02T20:11:00.000-08:00

Yulp, I voted.

So lets see what happens. I have to admit though it was quite an interesting election in the political world, and that somewhat helped. You know whats sad? I have actually encountered people who are soley choosing the leader of our country for the next 4 years on their looks. Hummmm.... Kerry is definitely going to lose.

Ok, thats going to be my extent of politics. Its almost over don't worry.

Well actuall it is over!!!

Yeah. Well enough of that. I had a pretty fun Halloween weekend, and it turned out the party was pretty cool! I was so scared, I hate being the one throwing the party and using there house, but not bad. It wasen't too many people, but just enough to have a good time. I dressed up as a flapper, and might I add I am one sexy flapper! I never wear dresses and I got to shock all my friends by wearing it and at an another party I went to on actual Halloween, oh boy I loved the attention I got! Shit I even managed to have an ex-dating guy want to start seeing each other again. Hmmmm, well see.

I have a confession: As much shit I talked about R. Kelly, I hate to admit it but I really like that new song he sings with Ja Rule and some girl. I really don't dig most of that style of music, but this is a really good song! Its called "Wonderful?" I think theres something wrong with me.

ahhhhh............I feel better now

2004-10-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	breath taking
Your hugs are...	friendly
Your eyes...	twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	refreshing
Your smile is...	amazing
Your love is...	one of a kind

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Did you know?

2004-10-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

"Bottles and Cans Just Clap You Hands." My Buddy Kevin got that stuck in my head.

I stumbled across these "Did ya knows" and thought they were pretty interesting:

From your wrist to your elbow (on the inside of you arm) is the same size as your foot? (I tried it it works)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas to produced to create the energy of a atomic bomb (Facinating I know!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes (Ha.....no comment)

Banging your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour (Trust me it works)

Cat pea glows in the dark when under a black light (So if you ever think its you know.....its probaly cat pee!!! I feel better now)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure ( Good ol' flipper)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day (And I thought twice a day was asking too much)

Well now your day is complete, and don't you feel like a huge bursting ball of knowledge? I know me neither.

Halloween Illusions is the worst store EVER!!!!

2004-10-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

Worst weekend ever.................I couldn't even imagine that so much shit could happen to one person in an 48 hour period. And by the looks of today, its rolling over through the week so neet couple days I might change the title to Week from Hell! I had the worst experience of my life at Halloween Illusions right next to the Westminster Mall, any one heard of it DO NOT shop there! You cant try anything on and refund anything even if you go back within an hour. Oh and the fucking workers! Oh my god, since when by working at a halloween costume shop make you a fucking God amoung God's! Hey im not saying there is anything bad about working at a costume shop, hey I did work at one in the mall, but when I was fucking 15 years old! Not a 30 year old fucking drop out who couldn't even work her way up to assistant manager of the fucking Halloween shop because that would require reading and trust me, if you handed this lady a Dr. Suess book she would be shitting her pants. Im sorry but I have never dealt with such low business ethics and such rudeness form workers that are out there trying to give there business a good name....I though that was a company policy to try to make the store look good. Guess not, and by the way there way over priced too.

Well that was Saturday Morning. I forgot Friday night, I got set up on a "blind date". Im using quotations beacause i wasent informed it was a date, untill I got there. My friend, I need to hava a talk with her, told me that her dude that shes dating has a really cool friend that she was going to take to the movies and invited me to go. I asumed since we were going to the movies she wasnet expecting me to act like this was a date. Who goes to the movies on a first date? I couldnt even talk to him w/o getting shhhhhh'ed. Well he was a really cool guys, except for the fact he was kinda into the style of Goth. She explained it as punk rockish before metting, nope....Goth. i need to talk to her about the difference between that too. Im sorry, I know Im picky and well, thats not my cup o tea. He was 6'7, wearing boots that were half way to his knees, and quite a few chain accesories on him. Nice guy, not what Im looking for. Good movie though, go see The Grudge, scared the shizzy outta me. Then I felt kinda bad because I invited a couple friends to go, once again because I didnt think it was a DATE, well long story short, I ended up giving my number out, but just not to my blind date........Im bad, I know.
Well there is more to add, but unfortunatially I ran outta time and finger strength to go on, plus I gotta go back to work.

The Day After Yesterday

2004-10-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well Last night was pretty much what I predicted, I got the shit scared outta me. And you know its bad when you have your friends aganist you, plotting against you with the Monsters that work there. Damn it was a good time, thats what Im talking about I need more of those. All my friends are at an engagement party for some guy there friends with who Ive meet a total of 2 times (hence why I wasent invited) and also because of which Im sure of this guy is going to be there who I hooked up with a few times (who by the way I ended things with) and he's probaly going to be there with his girlfriend, yes I know, his girlfriend. And well lets just say in my defense I knew there was a girl he was with when I first meet him, but he swore they were not together anymore, but well, he lied. Like most men do. And well ever since I found out they were still lovey dovey I said "Fuck This I don have time for this Shit" He was so lame kind cute though....shame.

Did you hear that?

2004-10-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling Im going to be freaked out of my mind! (Kinda sounds like a good thing huh?) Depends on how you look at it. Me and a few of my friends are going to Knotts Scary Farm which is a theme park by my house that during the month of October they turn it into almost like a giant haunted house type of gig. They have monsters running around chasing you with chain saw's and also mazes that you walk through that make me scared shittless! Im excited though, as weird as it sounds I like that scary feeling you get when you dont know whats gonna happen. YEAH! Cant Wait!

I wish I know how to make this look interesting by adding photos and etc to it, I feel like its so borning with just me talking away about shit you probaly dont care about, god I love it. You know what, I look damn cute today..........my mission (if I choose to accept it....make many men fall in love with me =) Just kidding...........but I do look hella cute today.

Bored to the Bone

2004-10-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

Im Bored, bottom line.

I get up every morning, run around the house like a mad women beacuse I usually hit snoze about 5 times too many, grab something to eat that I probaly shouldn't even have considered buying, sit in traffic for about an hour, come to work and watch everyone else who makes about twice as much as I do waltz in 1 maybe 2 hours late without a word getting said but heaven forbid if I leave 10 minutes early I gotta lotta nerve! Then I usually sit around for 8 hours thinking about how im 22 and I work in a place I told myself when I was 16 I would shoot myself if I worked here or anywhere like here (bang). Scared ya didnt I ? Well dont worry Im still here. But I do try to make the best of it, but its so hard when theres nothing to work with. I needa challenge, anything! I am sooooooo bored of doing the same thing, and my friends dont help they are all in there own disfunctuional relationships that rerquire all of there times (needy fuckers they deal with, but I actually like them) God you know what though I miss that, not the disfunction okay well maybe a little bit. I just miss having the exciment of someone around who actually wants to go out and do stuff, nobody has money, everyone works to fucking much, it sucks!!!

Ouiji

2004-09-29T09:21:00.000-07:00

Me and a couple of friends decided to mess around with the Ouiji board yesterday, let me say I did not sleep good last night. This is the 2nd time in my life I have had some weird shit happen because off this "game" We asked it questions that no one would know the answer too. I belive it works for us because of a certin spirt of a man we once knew who took his life about 7 years ago, he is the only one who ever comes through. He was my best friends ex-boyfriend, so bascially only works when she is either in the room or when she is touching it. I dont know but they were just too many things it got right and 1/2 the time I wasent even touching it because it didnt work when I asked questions because the spirt didnt like me when he was alive or now he refused to talk to me but if "A" (initials) asked it the same question I did it would work so I wasent alouded to talk and we played with 2 guys we have not even known for a year so they couldnt in any way know the answers and well "A" wouldnt fuck around with us like that, she knows better and she really belives it was him because of his answers. well I dont want to say exactly what he told us beacuse to any outside readers it just woulnt make sense.

To really make me freaked out it kinda requires alot of effort, last night I wanted to cry. He does not like me and will never like me even in the after life, he feels I am the reason she dumped him beacuse he made heer choose him or me, and well she choose me and that lead to a break up, a few treats of actually attemptiong to take his own life, outbreaks cry for helps, him trying to run me over with his car, and finally an actually attemp which unfortunatilly led to his death. He had problems yes, regardless no one should ever get to that point where they but there life in their own hands. Sad it was said it still is, we were 14 at the time, he was 21. We didnt know any better but let me say being so young going through this with "A" really led to some life openers and some defentat changes. ive never seen a 14 year old have to grow up so fast in the real worl, what the hell should we know about the real world becides the shit we never watched on after school specials beacuae we were too busy ditching scholl and getting high. Thats what it was about untill that unfortunate summer. Its hard to not feel a little bit reasponsible, I feel like I was the reason he cried for help, he wanted me gone and I just wouldnt leave. He hated me so much he felt like death would of been better then having to live life watching the girl he come to love drop him beacuse he wanted her to himself and only himself. What the hell would a 21 year old even want with a 13 year old you ask, fuck if I know but it was real and it was happening so fast.

God, if he was there he was shaking in his boots beacuse everyone last night was. You could feel the chills running up and down our necks, almost like some one slightly blowing a faint breeze. Could of been for all I know according to him he hides out in our garage. Damn if I ever go in ther again! I trully belive it too, I belive "A" for the rest of her life is going to have him always by her, she feels it sometimes too. He pointed to 55 last night out of nowhere, we were all looking at each other life 55? Then "A" just started to cry out a half laugh/cry saying I cant belive you saw that?! Then she continued to tell us a funny story that happen to her yesterday when she was home alone watching TV, and something in reference to channel 55, he was still communicating when she was telling the story so I was half paying attention to her, it was more for her anyways and let me tell you, she wasent even touching the game, she was sitting this one out.

Now, we have a Ouiji bored in our house and a ghost in the garage, Im concidering moving back home.

Call from an old friend

2004-09-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

I got a call from an old friend yesterday, quite interesting message he either sounded depressed or drunk, I couldnt figur it out. He rambled for about 2 minutes about how he just wanted to see how I am doing, he drove by my moms house (weird) and though of me. But I dont live there anymore so It really made no difference but, it was weird he ended it with well your not answering so I guess Ill never know how your doing.........i wonder if he just assumes I wont call him back, but I dont know why he would say that. I havent talked to him in a few years but we didnt stop being friends on bad terms, he got a girl friend I had a boyfriend, but still it kinda gave me a weird feeling. I'm going to call him.

Motto of the Day

2004-09-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

This is a good motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ WOO HOO what a ride!

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!

A Little Bit of This and That

2004-09-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

"The hardest thing in life is to learn which bridge to cross and which to burn"

"If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with some rain"

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"

To Do List

2004-09-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

Here is what I need to do:

1) Learn to Let Go. Things will be much less painfull
2.) No be so closed up. Problem of mine, not letting people in, Ive realized there really arent that many people who actually know me, and I know its me putting up the wall, I need to let it down a bit and let people in.
3.) Hug more. I dont think I give or receive enough hugs, im going to make it a point everytime I see my friends/family to hug them, it just makes you feel better everyone needs a hug.
4.) Be more outgoing. the money situation has really effected this one, but I want to go out, do stuff, have fun. I want to say Ive done all that I ever wanted to.
5.) Be more curtious. Ask more how other people are feeling/doing, everyone wants to talk, there are just those few you have to initiate it with.
6.) Not worry so much. Life goes on after work, belive it or not, dont stress out about the little things, dont worry about what they think, do what makes yourself happy.
7.) Try harder to make that extra step. Self explanitory.

I need to work on these to make my life alot more happier, im not sad, im just bored. I was like that in high school, now 4 years later I feel like I lost that loving feeling! I need that back, I was so much more happier. Growing up cant be this depressing.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2004-08-30T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hey Amber............

Its been a long time since Ive written anything, Ive been busy, too busy

Well, whats new? My birthday happen, we went to Dave and Busters to celebrate, I got a lot of sweet stuff: 1, 2, 3 seasons of Sex and the City on DVD.....Gift certifict to Burke Williams (nice!) Gift Certifict to my favorite clothing store (V-Generation) and so much more, and on top of that they threw me a surprise party! Damn was I surprised I had no idea, I got scared I walked in the other room. Ive never had a surprise party thats the best part, all my buddies were there, I got supper smashed, then surprise my weirdo-ex from freshman year of high school shows up at my door, oh by the way he just got out of jail (the 5 time now, I lost count?!) He stayed I didnt want to be rude, I feel bad he looks all cracked out, I dont think he has a place he is staying at either so I figured what would be the worst that could happen by letting him stay for a while, after all I havent seen him for a while and considering all the fucked up shit he has pulled on me I feel a bit of responsibility, im probally the only steady thing he knows (I man that by not a gangsta, druggie, drunk or low life) they make me look normal. Damn that kid has had a hard life and I feel terrible for him, but I dont want to be responsible for him. Well Everything was well ackward but barable up untill he started insulting all my friends and trying to fight one of my best friends boyfriend, who is my good friend. Not cool, I dont know who this kid thinks he is comming into my house on my birthday drinking my beer eating my food trying to fight my friends! All of them! I dont understand, I was completely drunk when all this was going on, okay I was passed out in bed, but this is the drama I get to wake up to in the morning, argh!

To Be Continued....................

That Damn Couch

2004-08-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

Hit The Road Jack...Im listening to that song so it just kinda stuck.................Ray Charles man, that movie looks damn good, shame how people dont get fully appreciated untill after there gone. Just like Rick James Bitch!!! How did he die anyways? Still havent seen that Chappell Show episode, but I feel like I have cuz its everywhere. So Had a pretty good weekend, stayed up way to late(early) into the morning, think I went to bed when my parents were waking up, yeah because she called me about an hour after I passed out! Women! I was mad Grrrrrrrrr...........Just went bar hoping down in Newport/Tustin, but I noticed we always end up back at my house, always have the best time there anyways AFTER PARTY! Not really a party just the crew.

So an example to how odd my family is, I told my mom and sister that I was going to get a new couch on Sunday that my roomate inquired from her grandparents, so my sis could have hers back. Well I went and got the couch but after that all my buddies had to work or either do there prior engagments, so I had no one to help me with the couch. Not figuring it was a big deal if I didnt get them there couch back ASAP, well guessed wrong I had my mom yelling at me on my phone telling me how rude, and called me about 3 times throughout the day requesting the couch get brought to her, I dont know if she thinks Im the Hulk or some shit, but Im like How thw hell am I suppose to get that huge ass couch down to her house? Even if she help my mom is like 100 lbs. if that, she'll do alot of help, all 5' foot nothing of her, then I have my sister on top off that calling me also, blah blah blah, I was already out enjoying my weeking at a bar b que, trying not to worry about that damn couch anymore! Aurgh! She started saying how shes waiting at her friends house for me and she has a truck and when am I going to be home (Jump Holly Jump!) or when my roomates are going to be home and if they can go home now, Im was just like....WAIT! I am busy right now, hanging out, I dont have the time or patience to deal with moving furniture or anything for that matter, we will do it tommorrow night when I have the time and I will be able to do it, I made no promises to take it over there tonight, I am busy right now and I am not leaving to take you the couch, plus it was 10 oclock at night. I handled it very well, not to stern, but usually I just hang up if they start getting loud, but I just put my foot dowm. Its hard being the youngest in the family, I dont get to do that very often, I have a very demanding sister who I love to death but is very bosy, and It felt kinda nice to jump at my own time, not everyone elses.

Wow all over a stupid couch huh!

Besides that my weekend was great =)

I feel better..............exhale.................

1........2.......3.........4...........5

j/k not that bad! Thats kinda sad, my extent of drama.

Smiley

2004-08-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

How Im feeling

How I feel About Work

Just Too Damn Funny

Gonna Be Grooving Tonight

Patrisiom, A Good Thing

Not Sure Who's Winning Yet

Going To Be Getting My Drink On

Never Say It Enough

This Guys Just Rocks

TeeHee

But Still Like this Untill 5:30

Holly

You got your coconuts and your banging them together

2004-08-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, the link doesnt work, sorry!

But if you guys are able to find it and read it, please do. I cry everytime.

Friday, yeah!

I get to go shopping today which is something I am a master of (thank you thank you) and I cant wait! I need my shopping fix. Thats what cool about working with my sister who is just as bad as I am, take our lunch and go blow some $$$. Terrible I know, but I really belive it is self therphy. I sa the Bourne Supremency last night, wow, I was defentially impressed by that one, Matt Damon held that movie down. It was just pure action, and they concept didnt suck! Most action movies have terrible story lines, but they pulled it off.

Last nigh we went to thr Irvine Spectrum to see the movie, a pretty richy place( its close to Newport) and we (my friend Kevin and I) made a game, might I add it was 9:30 at night, to count how many stupid (freezing) girls we see wearing those damn mini cheerleading skirts! in the 15 minutes it took to walk to my car we counted 9! And they were all accesoricing with little itty-bitty tube/tank tops. It made me cold! I dont get it, if your cold wear a dman jacket! How cant jackets be cute! But hey listen up guys, Irvine Spectrum prime location of little skirts!

Read This One

2004-08-05T12:29:00.001-07:00

Hey I just stumpled across this guys blog.

All I can say is wow, weither your for the war or against I think you should read this, it defentialy is worth it.

Patriotism isn't necissary standing by your president, but standing by your country.

"MY WAR-Fear in Loathing in Iraq:Men in Black"
Http://cbftw.blogspot.com

I hope it works

Deep Thoughts

2004-08-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

So I've come to the conclusion, I hate mornings.

I did not want to wake up this morning! I went to be some what early, maybe I just feel like I know that there is going to be nothing going on in the morning besides going to work, busting my ass and well going home and sitting in about 1-1.5 hrs in traffic (good old 405 freeway!) Its sad but Ive come to the conclusionn that im a 21 year old fun loving kid how really is too young to be feeling like a 65 year old women ( please dont take personally if 65 years old) I need a job where I can screw around all day and smoke cigarettes and shoot the shit. It kinda sucks when your the only one stuck in the office (Hence me doing this blog) I have just way to much to say and well im sick of talking to myself.

I think Im gonna milk as much as I can outta this place with what is left acourse, Im done being the only one who really care. I was telling my friend, its like a disfunctional relationship, where you feel like your the only one who puts any effort into trying to keep it alive. How did I even get to this point?

So I told my sister I have one of these so I made a deal with here, she can read it as long as its not in front of me, kinda embaressing, but she doesnt understand how i would feel uncomfortable with here reading it and letting abunch of strangers read it. Huh, kinda makes scence? But not to me, I like the fact that I can say as much as I want and feel and not have to face anyone, and explain myself. I got a slight problem with putting my foot in my mouth, I just dont feel the need to lie and well if people want the honest opinion Im just gonna have to give it to them (only if asked though) I dont just go around flaunting my opinions or beliefs on people, I hate that, people are given there own minds to think for themselves, not to listen to me. Even though they could probaly learn a thing or two. Definentialy not spelling though.

Funny how once you start rambling you start out with hating mornings to ending with not being able to spell. Wow thats deep!

Are you hiring?

2004-08-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

Im going to be saying that very soon, my job is going under. We are not finding business and I work for two grown up men who wont admit it was there fault. I have one who wont get off his lazy ass to go find jobs, and another who doesnt have to prove anything to us. I dont get it either. Im debting to either stick it out or say fuck it and look for a new job. I just hate the whole interviewing part. But I gotta do it.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

2004-08-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

I hope so. So far so good, (knock on wood) So I meet a new guys, took me out to lunch and said he will call me later tonight to hang out. I hope so, he seems nice. But the worst part of that is just having them say they will call and them never hearing from them. I think its just more polite to Say you know what I dont think this is going to work out, maybe we could just be friends. So much better, one thing I need is closure, thats not bad is it? I think the vast majority of people including myself would rather hear the truth then nothing at all.

So I have a doctors appointment next week, and it is the first time im actually quite shaken by it, I've had irregular blood test results on my liver and they have ruled out hepititias, and well they are checking for cancer now. They are saying they arent for sure what it is thats my they need to run all these different blood/ lab test, I had to get an ultrasound a few weeks ago, kinda funny beacuse you think pregnant when you hear ultrasound, well you have to register/be admitted before you can go back into the hospital. Well it turns out my old friend from high school works there and he was the one registering me, we shoot the shit for a while then he asks me why im here, I tell him ultrasound, and he just gives me this look like, dont tell me your pregnant! No! No! NO! Now dont go around starting rumors, thats the last thing I need is having everyone think Im pregnant, but hey Ive heard them all! So I get my results back on the 10th, Im doing the whole Peter Pan thing now and trying to think happy thoughts, but I like to think everything happens for a reason, but what would this mean?

On top of that I am worrying because my best friend just had her car taken away from her (REPO) and well I dont know how I get myself into this stuff, offered her the $1500 to borrow it, Thank god for Washington Mutual Credit Crads! But I just dont want the money to interfer our friendship, I have know her since kidnegarden, and well I love her to death, would take a bullet for her, but money creates such evil and I just hope she wont fuck me over on this, I dont think she would, but there is always that tought in the back of your head. Also Im the only one who gets to listen to her about this because no one else knows, well except my sister (needed advice) and she has been calling me stressing me out with it, I think Im going to be diagnoised with stress/anexity any moment now....Sorry boss doctors note, gotta take a vacation! Hmm......could be a good thing?

I dont know

2004-08-02T15:48:00.000-07:00

that says it right there. I just dont know.

People have come in and out of my life, some good some bad, but either one they have all left very deep memories. I have only a few people I would consider friend. I have a hard time trusting people, which can become a problem because I could only admagine how many decent people I have let go because of that, but everything happens for a reason right? I hope so. Well I think it all started early teens when I had my betrayls comming out from every which eay at me, friends, family, neighbors, it just seemed to be everywhere. I soon thought and relized, why would they do this? what did I ever do to anybody? I know I know poor me, hey Im just trying to figure out people which Im slowly realizing is something that is NEVER going to happen! I still dont know that one, I have just concluded it is peoples desperate attention they crave upon themselves, maybe by seeing other not doing so good, bumps up there esteem. They are out, thriving off of otheres misery. It just seems odd to me how misery can make you feel better? Like I said I dont get it. Ive had some steal from me, use me, cheat on me, lie to me, you name it its been done. But, the most I have been hurt didnt come from lying, cheating, stealing, it came from just confusion. The understanding of not understanding a peoples reason. For Example: 2 years everything great, then one day realizing they want to be alone for a while. I like to think Im a pretty understanding person, I get it, they need some time to do there own thing. I was okay with that, yeah it sucked alot, but Im not going to force anybody to do something they dont want to. I would never want someone to be with me who isnt happy. I took my step back, actually a fewback, but I understood. We talked as freinds for a while, still having to listen to his your still the best person I ever meet spill, ok, and so on, for a few more hours, ok I get it! Pretty much just making me feel more like shit. Cant they just leave it at the understanding? Why do they have to say how great you are, how your the best girl they ever meet, do they think that takes away from the sadness? I would be so bitter ( I swear) if it didnt come slap me in the face a few weeks ago that he is engaged to be married to a girl, when I say girl I mean girl, to run off to vegas this past weekend to get married! Might I add they have only been together 3 three months and even his friends ( who were my friends too) all come up to me and tell me how stupid he is, and how they have never even meet this girl, and that he even gave up music for her, he was is a band (guatir/ singer) when we were together and might I add I thought they were really good! That was his love his life and that I loved about him, he was so talented and to hear he did that broke my heart (again). I would feel 100 times better if I would have adleat ONE person tell me that he is happy and that he loves her, I would wish him the best and mean it. I know that were are not together, im not in denial, but I just wish I would hear something to make me be like, "you know what ! good for him, I wish him the best, as long as he's happy" Beacuse when it comes down to it, he is a really great guy, and I will never say anything bad about him. This just sounds nothing, NOTHING like the person I know, people change I get it, I know, but wow to do a complete 180 in your life baffles me. Its because I still care about him that makes me worry, I dont get it. I have moved on, im doing fine. Im just not going to think about it, like my friends say better her then you, they will be divorced in 3 years! Who knows! I just wished it would stop being flaunted in front of my face. No matter where I go I see someone who knows him and knew us together and breaks the news to me, Ive had it broken to me about 4 time this past 2 weeks! I just want to get over it, its not my problem anymore, I dont want to be reminded of it. Drama Drama, go tell your mama.

Thanks for the vent.

God I wish I didnt pick such an obvious screen name.

What if Men Ruled?

2004-07-30T14:42:00.000-07:00

Listed is a pretty funny email I received thought you'd all enjoy..............

*Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

*Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

*Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

*When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

*Birth control would come in ale or lager. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of yourchoice.

*The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

*"Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

*At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

*It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

*Tanks would be far easier to rent. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

*Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

*Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (AMEN!!!)

*On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
*Mother's Day, too.

*St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

*Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

*Two words: ALLY MCNAKED.

*Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

*The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

*The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

*It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

*Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

*When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

*Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

*The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

*People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

*Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

*Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

Friday!!!

2004-07-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

Thank god for that!

So what do say, hmmm............Im planning on going out ALOT this weekend, had a pretty tough week at work, so I think I deserve it. Usually end up hyping the weekends up, but we always end up at the same place, but its always turns out fun. Im trying to decide what to do for my b-day and Ive narrowed it down to three choices: 1) San Francisco--never been but not to sure on the $ situation, 2) Street scene down in San Diego, theres alot of cool bands I wanna go rock out to, and finally 3) Just enjoy having my own place with my roomies and throw a party! Kinda sucks though when the partys at your house have to worry about all the people messing it up. So Im up in the air with this! I think I'll leave it up to my friends to decide, I really dont care just wanna have a good time. On my 21st b-day (last year) I got food poisioning so that ruinned my whole night! So I wanna make up for it.

Well enough of that.............Ive been wanting to take up gutiar, spelling probaly wrong, since I figure music is pretty much a great part of my life and how I know way more about it then lets say.............well, alot. I tried it for the first time and let me say how much my finger tips hated me afterwords, it hurts! Im sensitive ;) But the more Ive been told the more you play eventually you wont feel anything! So Ive been trying to write songs but Im not quite comfty sharing them yet, so give me time and hopefully I can come up with something to share on here.

Well Tata for Now!

Work Sucks

2004-07-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

like thats never been said before...........well this is the first one and I decided to do it while im bored at work, so it can kill some time. I pretty much gonna just ramble on so sorry i'm not here to talk about how much I hate life and how no one likes me..........boo hoo. Well bare with me, lets see...........what to say............hmmmmm........I got a joke! A horse walks into the bar and the bartender says "Hey! Why the long face?" Damn I love that one, gets me everytime! Whatcha wanna know?