Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Never Too Late

So I’m guessing everyone has ad least been in love once. I was and still like to convince myself that I am not, but the point is that we have all experienced it but if you find true love, doesn’t that mean there should be no more looking or searching? If it was the real thing then why are so many of us still out there? People might say because it wasn’t the right one, who would determine that and why would they know? My main concern is that I found that love once a while ago and now it has perished and gone on, but is that going to be my one and only chance at love? I know I can do better then that, I know I deserve another chance, that can’t be it! And this whole soul mate business, and by the way could they of come up with a cheesier way to put it? But, besides that, what is the definition of a soul mate? Is it someone that will be by your side your whole life loving and accepting you for just being you? If that is the case, then why must they make it seem that soul mates is a love interest and someone you can marry or be romantic with? I like to think of the close few in my life as soul mates, my friends and my family, the true ones who will stick by you and already have accepted you for you. Hear me out, you can be in a relationship with someone who you have yourself convinced is you soul mate and one day realize that it’s not what you thought you wanted. It happens, unfortunately to almost everyone, and it is not a bad thing at all. It is just sad that you thought it was there and so quick it won’t be. It happens to everyone so don’t start thinking it's you or there is something you did, IT HAPPENS! It can be peachy fucking keen one day then not. That’s life, but must we always tease ourselves with the whole “love” concept? I know I am a total hypercritic because being in love was the best feeling in the world and my problem is that I know all this and can give people this advice but I cannot personally accept it. I like to think I’m different when I know I’m not. I am just a normal girl who wants to find someone who will except all the weirdness built up inside me and to love my awkwardness that I can’t seem to escape. But, I don’t want to let that be a mission that takes over my life, I feel like I know I am only 22 years old but I feel like I lost it. It went away, but I have to know that I will feel that again, and I can’t be that unbearable that no one else out there can love my imperfections. Its self help is what it really is, not a cry for help. I write feelings that I don’t really like sharing certain things, not that I am ashamed but it’s hard to find someone who feels exactly the same way as you. Maybe that’s what a soul mate is? But, how boring would that be!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

You Think You Know

You really do never know. I dont want to pinpoint that into one specific incident but Im sure it will end up that way. You can wake up one morning with a completely different perspective on anything and everything. People can surprise you, you think you know, but truthfully people are completely full of the element of surprise. I am talking about this beacuse it just seems to me lately that people I know are doing things I would never though they had in them. They grow up, get down, change lives, and do stuff that you couldn't believe.

Im sure your wondering what I am pointing this babble about, and I really cant say. Its just an observation and I have a situations. I have one great one in particular and it is some fucking two faced son of a bitch cocksucker who I use to work with, you know the type all lies and bullshit. Well he could of been named the king of fucking bullshitville. He has been lying to me to my face for god knows how long and also to my boss doing unbelievable stuff to sabatoge our company. It is just unbelievable and I cant even let you know what he did because it is getting pretty ugly. I hope he gets what is coming to him. People like that deserve to get the shit kicked out of them.

On a brighter note......Now I have an actual reason to hate him. Before it was more of a pitty like with him? You know what I mean, the type that makes you feel sorry for them but you know dep down they are lame and you dont like them? Oh well life goes on right? I have been feeling extremly stress out with this whole situation that has been going on and now more so then any I need a vacation! I have no money and I dont know anywhere I could go that I wouldn't need money for. I should just get up and go and for just one day in my life not worry about where I will end what or what I am going to do. Do you ever feel like doing that? I need to do that to gain what little bit insanity I have left in my poor fragile little mind. Fucking A, growing up is lame and the older you get the more you realize who fucking stupid people can really be. Adleast the OC is on tonight, this day would be complete shit. See, if I had a Seth Cohen alike I wouldn't be so stressed out so much because of work, I would have a cute boy to go home to, no instead I have a hamster that I swear is the fucking anti-christ of hamsters. Her name is squirrel and she maked the most possesed sounding noise if you even try to pick her up, she does not let me touch her and she insist of putting ALL her food in her all plastic wheel and run top speed on the dot of 3am every night. She dispise me. All Ive ever done was love her but she insist on biting me. Does she not understand that I am soley the only person keeping her alive because I feed her and change her cage! Damn, what does that say that I cant even get a fucking hamster to like me. Well, apologies to anyone who expected a happy post, Im mad and Im tired and this post was perfect therapy to help with that, so wish me luck on having a better week.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Life and Death of a Lollypop

Place: Mom and Dad's House
Time: about 3:30pm on Sunday the 20th
Invoved Parties: Me, Mom and Dad
Situation: Dad is weird

ME: "Hey guys Im here!"
DAD: (comes out of no where) "Hey Holly your gonna be a big sister"
ME: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
DAD: (shirt lifted) "I think Im pregnant"
ME: "Oh daddy, your gonna be a mommy!"
DAD: (by the way he does look about 8 months along, the man likes beer)
ME: "Hey Mom, Dad's pregnant!"
DAD: (showing off his extremely abnormally shaped beer belly)
MOM: "That's just disgusting Mike!"
ME: "Mom, now thats not very poliete, your insulting a new mother and you should know of all people should know thats rude."

Oh, yeah! I need to know that Im not going to die. I found a lollypop in the bottom of my purse. Do lollypop's expire? I hope not, because I kinda ate it. It looked so good! But I got the purse a few days after X-mas, so the oldest it could be is 4 months. Thats not to bad is it? But, I still kinda am concerned where it came from?

Friday, March 18, 2005

Give 'Em Hell Kid

I apologize in advance for any matteral in my posts that may be a little "hard to handle" wait.....actually no I dont.

Last night was so much fun! We didnt end up going out until 11pm because my dumbass roomate locked her keys and cell phone in her car and we were waiting for her. So we all went down to Seal Beach and bar hopped down there for the short period we had. Well I dont know how this happens to me but, it can never be an early night can it? I dint go to bed until 4:30am and had to be at work at 8:30am, which by the way it takes me a good hour to get to work. I rolled over at 7:53am and kinda screamed a silent and simple "fuck." I ran out of that house and I am so proud of myself for remembering deoterant. I am so tired, thank GOD were not busy today.

So funny story, last night at the bar we ended up at, mind you I was DD, and all of a sudden I feel a light grab of the ass. Hmmm Kevin nor Amelia is no where to been seen? Who the hell just grabbed my ass! I turn around and see these 3 guys all looking in different directions and I also got a glimpse of a white shirt so I put two and two together and figured out it was the one in the white shirt. So I trun around look at him and asked, "did you just grab my ass?" he replies, "no, it was him" and randomly pointed at the first dude in his druken vision. He must of thought I was exceptionally dumb or lame, and I pull him to me so he can hear me whisper these words, "by the way that might normally work, but I am not drunk nor stupid." He gives me a scared look and his friend says, "Im sorry I made him do it" so naturally a bet had to been involved. So I polietly ask how much did you bet him? My ass grab was only worth $5! Fuck that give me $2.50 then for the pain and suffering of having a lame guy grope me. Well after that they were actually being extra nice and thanking me for being a good sport about it, and then he proceds to tell me how I am the most beautiful girl at the bar (come on say it with me....BULLSHIT) and starts talking about god knows what I wasn't paying attention, and asks me suddenly if I have a boyfriend, so acourse I lie and say yes. This couldn't of been more perfect, my friend Kevin walks by right then I grab him (and his ass) and interduce Kevin as my boyfriend who I am very much in love with. Good old Kevin, plays it off but insist to everyone else in the bar that we really are boyfriend and girlfriend, I had to dump him after that. Anyways needless to say, that guy didn't bug me for the rest of the night, and I got stuck with a Kevin.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Which Way Do I Go?

Is it wrong to be talking to an ex-boyfriend, who might I add is married, best friend who you use to hook up with before you meet the ex-boyfriend?

Is it wrong that I dont think so? I mean, we were friends before I ever meet the ex. I haven't talked to him in like year, and finally emailed him because I came across him on myspace (which is addicting BEWARE) and dropped a friendly hello, and we were writing back and forth and I mentioned we should get together and hang out so I gave him my new number. But somehere deep down I do feel a little wrong because of the situation. I would love him to be in my life as a friend again I miss him, and he is a great kisser =) Trust me if he made the move I wouldn't complain. But, because of my good/bad intentions does that make me a wrong person? I just hate the fact that I had so many friends and then all of a sudden I dont talk to half of them anymore due to my break up w/ the ex and people just moving on, but why should I let that be ok? Besides I dont need to be living my life to make sure I tippy toe around the ex, I mean after all he is the one who rean of and got married, I'm sure he wasn't the least bit concerned about my feelings when he did that.

Im patiently waiting for the day to come for someone new to enter my life. I need new. I live in a small city where unfortunatly all you have to do is go down to Michael's to have a fucking high school reuinon. What do I need to do? I NEED HELP!!!!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

I love The 80's

I received this e-mail from my sister and couldn't of related more. I couldn't stop laughing and just having some crazy flashbacks. Man the good old days! When Care Bears were still cool.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE"

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair" and can do the "Carlton".

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.

7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom

8. Two words: Hammer Pants

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars....and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales "

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head

14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...and still know the turtles names.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side

17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten.(She's truly outrageous.)

21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted and when he wore that white glove!

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes with thermos's to school... and traded Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up".

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

41. You've gone through this e-mail laughing and nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. "Don't worry, be happy"

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down

46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - You give love a bad name.

55. You just sang those words to yourself

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts... (the shorter the better)

58. You remember when mullets were cool and rat tails!

59. You had a mullet!

60. You still sing "We are the World"

61. You tight rolled your jeans.

62. You owned a bannana clip.

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"

65. You had big hair and you used tons of harispray for your bangs...the wave!

66. You're still singing you give love a bad name in your head, aren't you!!!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Revalation on the 405

As I was driving to work this morning still half asleep, my mind began to wonder.

I saw a bundle of balloons on the side of the freeway tangled up on a gate and all I could think about is how when you are younger and you let go of the balloons, or in my case loose them, but you think about them flying to outer space, or to China, Australia, shit even New York, but I just had an adult moment and realized that right off that freeway ramp exit is Wild Rivers Water Theme Park. And the balloons were Blue and Yellow which is a majority color for the theme park, and all I could think is how sad, it didn't even make it out of the city. Its sad when you have those childhood fantasies slowly fade and reality hits you. I should of had a hippy moment and pulled over and set the balloons free. But, I was really hungry and it was cold outside and I didn't have a jacket............

Another thing I pondered (my freeway 2 hours a day is my revalation time) and there are 2 types of people out there (well adleast when Im out there) and its the 8:15am and the 8:50pm people. Well theis doesn't apply to everyone but just us lucky top of the morning people. For some weird odd unexplainable reason I woke up and early and left ON TIME. So as I am driving I noticed just the whole ora of driving was so much more smoother and less stressful, but usually for me its cursing out the asshole in front of me who is going 20 mph with no one in clear view in front of them. And now it makes sense. The 8:15 ers dont have to rush, they make it to work on time, so far so good, so they end up having a great day because everything is going smoothly. Now, the 8:50 ers woke up hella late, started there day out by cussing out there alarm clock, running around the house trying to get ready, and Im sure in the process running into shit and just going completely all out crazy, and they don't have time for breakfest, there switching lane to lane realizing that it doesn't even fucking matter what lane they are in they all are slow and lame, then they hit every red light once you get off the freeway, its almost a joke. It is like Big Brother has their camera pointed directly at you and laughing there asses off knowing that you are so gonna get and trouble and they think it is the funniest thing in the world. But anyways, they are just doomed to have a shitty day. And that usually what happens. But, I am a special case. Oh yes, I have my own catergory of a I dont give a shit what time it is because no one else in my damn office shows up untill 10 anyways.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I Can't Handle The Truth

So the Sales guy at my work just but in his 2 weeks today. Why do I feel slightly responsible? I know it is no where near my duing but, I have been extremely frustrated with him because well let me put it plain and simple: the guy doesn't work. I'll give it to him that he has ALOT of personal stuff going on in his life but, damn dude....we have NO DINERO!! ( I meant to spell money in spanish..I tried) We are in the make it or break it stage of our relationship/business. And I dont blame him for leaving he has a family he needs to be worrying about. So, now my sister might take over his job. Hmm........my older sister also as my boss? I dunno about that, I mean I love her and all but...........my boss? I hope that works out ok.

My Dirty Bird Mountain man friend got all hot again and shaved off his beard. DAMMIT! The beard was helping me get over him, now he has to be all cute again. Hey, adleast he got $150.00 out of all that beard wearing. He looked so bad with it. It was a good 5-6 months length on it and he looked awful, and I loved it. I was WAY to into him and that beard just helped me calm down and slowly get over him. And it just started to fly by then DAMMIT he's cute again.

I haven't had a boyfriend in about 2 years, and I am offically pissed off. Why you ask, I dunno I just am! I'm in a slump and the only thing I have pursuing me is my friend who confessed his love to me (see last post) and well that just aint going to cut it for me. Im realizing it is because I work to god damn much and all my firends are guys which gotta make it al little bit harder for guys to comfront me when we go out. AND the 3 girlfriends I have all have boyfriends, which makes it harder to draw them away form there dicks to come out with me. Why is it when girls get into relationships their whole world evolves around their man? BUT NEVER the other way around? Girls can be so lame in relationships, and I know what it is like to be in love, and I mean a real love. But, I never forgot me and the things I had in my life before them.

I need to brake down and admit to the world (or adleast the blogger world who thank god now one knows me...no offense) and admit that I Bopperholly want a boyfriend. Well, adleast today.