Monday, December 27, 2004

"You really got your hold on me. Got to get away from me. Nobody's Listening."

I have a problem. Commintment? No, I dont think so. I think I have this image in my head of exactly what I want. And anyone who knows me can tell you how I dont change my mind very easily and if I do its my doing, not anyone else. I am just messing everything up. Is it wrong that this guy is here but he is leaving to go back to Hawaii where he is stationed and I feel extremely wrong about something but I dont know why? I dont think what I am doing is wrong. I know he likes me but I also know that he still has 3 years he has to dedicate to his country and I am not all that sure if he's worth waiting the 3 years. I want to find someone who can be there for me and be around adleast the same state. I am being selfish on this one, but I am in a point in my life I need to worry about myself more then the Joe down the street. My selfihness and all about me attitude is really just a cover up I have attached to. It is suppose to help me from getting hurt or walked over. And I think its working but I have gotten it laid out to me two ways: 1) 'Wow you have this confidence about you that is quite intimadating about yourself, I like that" 2) (from one of my best guy friend) "You know what your problem is? You have been so hurt in the past that you have built this thick wall in front of you to block anyone or anything that is on the outside that can evidentially hurt you, and you are being so stubborn about maintaing this wall that you are potentially blocking away not only the bad but the good because you are so scare to getting hurt again." Well I dont think I even know that much about myself, shit. And the sad part? Its true, not only do I know thats true but the other 2 friends who witnessed this truthfullness also were nodding there head like, "yeah! Thats what I think! I totally agree." See what happens you give your friend a couple cocktails you get the truth, and I mean not the sugar coated truth but the stone cold truth. And that is why I love them.


At 9:50 PM, Blogger annette said...

Good friends are hard to come by :)

At 5:53 PM, Blogger yayaempress said...

Hmm, tough choice but I according to what you posted it sounds like you indeed got have a wall. Sometimes hurting can be a good thing. Anywayy, even though it's been a while since I've stopped by, I found you on BlogExplosion. I think I may have to vote...


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