Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Just a Little Reminder

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.(13 for us boys)

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner


At 11:26 AM, Blogger rancette said...

#7 i licked a sharp knife yesterday and luckily nothing bad happened, but I wondered why i had to get that last bit of frosting and why so much had to come off on the knife.

#10 I had a boss who was a little overweight and I didn't find out she was pregnant till she was 8 mos pregnant. I told a co-worker who thought I was insane for not knowing she was pregnant. But really, she hid it well and wore the same type of business suits, so how was I to know???

At 12:36 PM, Blogger Technicolour Nightmare said...

#1. Don't even want to think about that.

#7. Cacked myself at this one.

#9. My mother can. Something about getting more work out of longer days. I still hate it.

13. Wow. Clever.

You're funny.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger yayaempress said...

Great post! And I totally agree with #16. :)

At 11:13 AM, Blogger Arthur said...

#9: Yet another great reason to live in Indiana.

#16: Hmm.....

At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok number 11 will NEVER happen for me but I have seen number 10 in action and it ain't pretty! ;)


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