Monday, December 27, 2004

"You really got your hold on me. Got to get away from me. Nobody's Listening."


I have a problem. Commintment? No, I dont think so. I think I have this image in my head of exactly what I want. And anyone who knows me can tell you how I dont change my mind very easily and if I do its my doing, not anyone else. I am just messing everything up. Is it wrong that this guy is here but he is leaving to go back to Hawaii where he is stationed and I feel extremely wrong about something but I dont know why? I dont think what I am doing is wrong. I know he likes me but I also know that he still has 3 years he has to dedicate to his country and I am not all that sure if he's worth waiting the 3 years. I want to find someone who can be there for me and be around adleast the same state. I am being selfish on this one, but I am in a point in my life I need to worry about myself more then the Joe down the street. My selfihness and all about me attitude is really just a cover up I have attached to. It is suppose to help me from getting hurt or walked over. And I think its working but I have gotten it laid out to me two ways: 1) 'Wow you have this confidence about you that is quite intimadating about yourself, I like that" 2) (from one of my best guy friend) "You know what your problem is? You have been so hurt in the past that you have built this thick wall in front of you to block anyone or anything that is on the outside that can evidentially hurt you, and you are being so stubborn about maintaing this wall that you are potentially blocking away not only the bad but the good because you are so scare to getting hurt again." Well I dont think I even know that much about myself, shit. And the sad part? Its true, not only do I know thats true but the other 2 friends who witnessed this truthfullness also were nodding there head like, "yeah! Thats what I think! I totally agree." See what happens you give your friend a couple cocktails you get the truth, and I mean not the sugar coated truth but the stone cold truth. And that is why I love them.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Old Flame still Burning?

So my ex is down from Hawaii where he is stationed in the Marines, and I haven't seen him in 3 years and I shit you not it is like he never left. We were up til 4:30 am this morning just shooting the shit and talking about everything and everything and it was great. But he said something Im not to sure how I should take it. I hate it when I cant tell if people are joking or serious, usually I am but this threw me off guard. We are talking about going togethre to Vegas for New Years since he was planning on going and all my friends are going so we figured we would go together, and somehow married became apart of our converstation and bam......he said we should get married and move to Hawaii with him, and on top of that they get paid more if you are married I think he said $1,200 more a month (I think). Hmm.......I think my heart dropped at that point and I said married shouldn't be a scam for money, and this is the part that made me stopped, look at him and wonder, "Are you serious?" He replied with a simple well if you love eachother it wouldn't be a scam. Oh my got the L word? WHAT?!!! There goes Holly running out the door but for some strange reason I couldn't stop staring at him wondering if he was serious or not. I didn't know what I should say or do. I still don't know what to say. I don't know if I love him. If you ask Amelia she swears I do or else I would of never tracked down his mom to find his address actualy write him a letter, mail it, and for me to act on such a rare impolse is weird. We went out back in the days and I knew he loved me then, but that was such an odd stage in my life I had no idea what I wanted or what I was capable of loosing. 5 years down the road, multiple noboys coming in and out of my life, heartaches, changes he is still fresh in my mind and he's still one of the most awsome people I have ever meet. Am I too young though? I have already had my heart ripped out and stepped on by another, and am I ready to give this another try?

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Me I Want A Hula Hoop

Another day in paradise. I dont know what is going on, but work has been so shitty lately. You can only blame so much on the bah-humbugs and stress of the holidays. I just wished I was more prepared for christmas you know! 364 days is just not enough of a head up. I am almost offically done shopping, no wait Im the unoffical done shopper. I only have one more person left because its what I forgot at the mall the last and only time I plan on going for a very l-o-n-g time, but its the only place I can get it at besides well, another mall. So I am procrastinating on that big time. Its like volunteering yourself to go into battle, but wait, people actually do that dont they. Its like that then, you see no one twisting my arm when I say Im going to the mall, you just hear the outcries of encourgement like, "dumbass, or is she feeling alright? I think she might be retarted!". 'No, my family loves me. They wouldn't never call me that.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

The Chase

I'm having yet another delima and would LOVE some outside opinions on the matter:

I know this guy Nick and we have been seeing eachother for quite a few months since August I belive and we dont hang out very often but he calls me about everyday or I get the wonderful Text Messages. He's a really cool guy but, hes 24 still lives at home, doesn't have a job and well really never makes a huge effort to see me. He does live far and has been going to school for 16 units? I think. But, I was pretty into him when I first meet hime but he did the whole flake thing way to often so I took a step back and said if he wants to see me then he needs to make the effort because I was sick of hearing the LAME excusses. Well he did make a huge improvemnet and things were going better then one night while we were heavly hanging out and well he ended up staying the night, and let me say I have no regrets for doing so because it was a long time and well I needed it. But, now im really not that into him anymore. He now seems more interested and now he calls me all the time, but now it just is too late. He is a great guy who I have a lot of fun with but I dont get the funny butterfly feeling that I use to get with him and I feel like once that feeling is gone it isn't fun anymore. I like that giddy feeling I get when I am really into someone, and now it just seems almost annoying. I feel really bad but we has the whole agreement that we were just hooking up and having fun and bothing serious, and I think what turned me off about him was that I got set up on a blind date and when he asked me how it went I told him the truth that I had a great time (I really did) and it was alot of fun. Once I said that I felt the jealousy and that turned me off because he started acting very weird and like a jealous boyfrind. Im sorry Im not into that espically if you are not my boyfriend. Why is it when you stop acting like you care is when they actually start caring?


Tom-ate-to

So I just want to let everyone know that Jack in the Box is out of Tomato's! WHAT?!! I know, I went in there last week and they told me that I could not have a tomato on my chicken sandwich. Oh boy I wanted to jump over the counter and smack her and say, "Get me my damn Tomato!!! AHHHHH" FYI, I was PMSing at this time of the week, so I belive that is forgivable of my action-thoughts. Well, I was almost about ready to ask why they were out of tomato's when a sign caught my attention, and it read "Due to the recent Hurricanes we are experiencing a shortage of Tomato's....." Um, Hurricanes? They get there tomatos in Flordia? I mean doesn't California have a decent supply of Tomato's? Shit, I could get them my dad's number he has a shit load of Tomato's and Im sure he wouldn't mind selling them some. I mean If I owned a fast food chain like that I would walk my ass across the 3 parking spots that seperate Jack in the Box to the Vons located right behind them and by some tomato's. Im sorry but I am one of those people who cant have a burger with them, and I know I am making a deal outta this but it was so hard to belive it was commical.

Well with Christmas right around the corner knocking on my door shoving it in my face I am being quite the Bah-Humbug this year. Im thinking its mostly from the Lack of Funds I am experiencing and the list of people to buy for just keeps getting longer and longer. I know when its christmas morning it will hit me and Im sure i'll be a little bit more christmassy but Im not really feeling it now.



Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Just a Little Reminder

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.(13 for us boys)

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner

Friday, December 03, 2004

In Case of Emergency

Ok, bring on the Bitch Fest:

Why are old people allowed to drive? Seriously, im not trying to been mean or discrimination but come one! the old lady next to me cut in from of me across the car pool lanes (she was in the carpool) and didnt even try to signal when there was an opening for her to merge about 5 seconds ago, and as she was cutting me off pissing me off I should say, she ended up cutting off 3 motorcycle riders who were in clear view of her if she would of looked before cutting across the lanes and cause 1 to almost fall off his bike cuz they had to slam on there brakes so quick. Well I though this was the funny part, as they drove off the last motorcycle driver kicked her side door. Is that bad I couldn't stop laughing?

Why are cell phones given to incompitant people who first off cant drive worth shit then you give them a device that all of a sudden makes there 65 mph speed limit drop to 40 mph? Bad enough half these people can barely chew gum and walk but, talk on the phone and try to concentrate on the road? Impossible! This little girl (shit little she probaly was my age 22) had one arm wrapped in back of the passenger head seat and the other holding her phone? I know. Picture traffic flow picking up to about 60-70 mph on the 405 south in prime time 8am traffic on a friday morning. Not exactly the best time to be practicing driving with you feet! She was swerving all over the lane. I cut that lame ass off quick style. She was bound to smash up someone.

And last off, come on Chinesse people! Im sorry but I live in a prominate chiness/ Vietnamess city. Shit our tourist attraction is Little Siagon! And they are everywhere!!!!! They drive 20 mph in a 45 zone, they leave there blinkers on for 5 miles before they actually turn. Its like a guessing came I swear! They can barely even she over the stearing wheel. This morning this asian dude did the whole merge lane too slow merrge back opps too slow again merge merge merge!!! He must have been pissed off because he ended up behind me about 6 times durning our driving experience. And worse everytime I made sure he saw me laughing my ass off. And worse then all this? An old Asian on a cell-phone. Oh god, Im getting a bus pass.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Birthday Chart

Whatcha Think Guys? Pretty Dead on? Let me know what you think!!!!

JANUARY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great soci! al abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious._______________________________________________

FEBRUARY:Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent andclever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions._______________________________________________

MARCH:Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody._______________________________________________

APRIL:Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see._______________________________________________

MAY:Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift._______________________________________________

JUNE:Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite andsoft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn._______________________________________________

JULY:Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the ! past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits f or friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover._______________________________________________

AUGUST:Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egotistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and! trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends_______________________________________________

SEPTEMBER:Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic._______________________________________________

OCTOBER:Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn'tpretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children._______________________________________________

NOVEMBER:Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Uniqueand brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strongclairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable_______________________________________________

DECEMBER:Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical

Thats my Bush!

The U.S. president also made a tongue-in-cheek referenceto the supporters he saw among the protesters as his motorcade drove through Ottawa."I'd like to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave, with all five fingers, for their hospitality," he said.

You know what!I want to thank Rite Turn Only for posting this in his blog. Check it out http://66.221.49.64/ The media makes it seem that everyone hates us! I know there are alot of people out there who dont neccessary agree with our tantics, but damn people like us, they really like us!