Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Me and a couple of friends decided to mess around with the Ouiji board yesterday, let me say I did not sleep good last night. This is the 2nd time in my life I have had some weird shit happen because off this "game" We asked it questions that no one would know the answer too. I belive it works for us because of a certin spirt of a man we once knew who took his life about 7 years ago, he is the only one who ever comes through. He was my best friends ex-boyfriend, so bascially only works when she is either in the room or when she is touching it. I dont know but they were just too many things it got right and 1/2 the time I wasent even touching it because it didnt work when I asked questions because the spirt didnt like me when he was alive or now he refused to talk to me but if "A" (initials) asked it the same question I did it would work so I wasent alouded to talk and we played with 2 guys we have not even known for a year so they couldnt in any way know the answers and well "A" wouldnt fuck around with us like that, she knows better and she really belives it was him because of his answers. well I dont want to say exactly what he told us beacuse to any outside readers it just woulnt make sense.

To really make me freaked out it kinda requires alot of effort, last night I wanted to cry. He does not like me and will never like me even in the after life, he feels I am the reason she dumped him beacuse he made heer choose him or me, and well she choose me and that lead to a break up, a few treats of actually attemptiong to take his own life, outbreaks cry for helps, him trying to run me over with his car, and finally an actually attemp which unfortunatilly led to his death. He had problems yes, regardless no one should ever get to that point where they but there life in their own hands. Sad it was said it still is, we were 14 at the time, he was 21. We didnt know any better but let me say being so young going through this with "A" really led to some life openers and some defentat changes. ive never seen a 14 year old have to grow up so fast in the real worl, what the hell should we know about the real world becides the shit we never watched on after school specials beacuae we were too busy ditching scholl and getting high. Thats what it was about untill that unfortunate summer. Its hard to not feel a little bit reasponsible, I feel like I was the reason he cried for help, he wanted me gone and I just wouldnt leave. He hated me so much he felt like death would of been better then having to live life watching the girl he come to love drop him beacuse he wanted her to himself and only himself. What the hell would a 21 year old even want with a 13 year old you ask, fuck if I know but it was real and it was happening so fast.

God, if he was there he was shaking in his boots beacuse everyone last night was. You could feel the chills running up and down our necks, almost like some one slightly blowing a faint breeze. Could of been for all I know according to him he hides out in our garage. Damn if I ever go in ther again! I trully belive it too, I belive "A" for the rest of her life is going to have him always by her, she feels it sometimes too. He pointed to 55 last night out of nowhere, we were all looking at each other life 55? Then "A" just started to cry out a half laugh/cry saying I cant belive you saw that?! Then she continued to tell us a funny story that happen to her yesterday when she was home alone watching TV, and something in reference to channel 55, he was still communicating when she was telling the story so I was half paying attention to her, it was more for her anyways and let me tell you, she wasent even touching the game, she was sitting this one out.

Now, we have a Ouiji bored in our house and a ghost in the garage, Im concidering moving back home.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Call from an old friend

I got a call from an old friend yesterday, quite interesting message he either sounded depressed or drunk, I couldnt figur it out. He rambled for about 2 minutes about how he just wanted to see how I am doing, he drove by my moms house (weird) and though of me. But I dont live there anymore so It really made no difference but, it was weird he ended it with well your not answering so I guess Ill never know how your doing.........i wonder if he just assumes I wont call him back, but I dont know why he would say that. I havent talked to him in a few years but we didnt stop being friends on bad terms, he got a girl friend I had a boyfriend, but still it kinda gave me a weird feeling. I'm going to call him.

Motto of the Day

This is a good motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ WOO HOO what a ride!

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the moments that take our breath away!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

A Little Bit of This and That

"The hardest thing in life is to learn which bridge to cross and which to burn"

"If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with some rain"

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind"

Thursday, September 09, 2004

To Do List

Here is what I need to do:

1) Learn to Let Go. Things will be much less painfull
2.) No be so closed up. Problem of mine, not letting people in, Ive realized there really arent that many people who actually know me, and I know its me putting up the wall, I need to let it down a bit and let people in.
3.) Hug more. I dont think I give or receive enough hugs, im going to make it a point everytime I see my friends/family to hug them, it just makes you feel better everyone needs a hug.
4.) Be more outgoing. the money situation has really effected this one, but I want to go out, do stuff, have fun. I want to say Ive done all that I ever wanted to.
5.) Be more curtious. Ask more how other people are feeling/doing, everyone wants to talk, there are just those few you have to initiate it with.
6.) Not worry so much. Life goes on after work, belive it or not, dont stress out about the little things, dont worry about what they think, do what makes yourself happy.
7.) Try harder to make that extra step. Self explanitory.

I need to work on these to make my life alot more happier, im not sad, im just bored. I was like that in high school, now 4 years later I feel like I lost that loving feeling! I need that back, I was so much more happier. Growing up cant be this depressing.