Monday, August 30, 2004

Happy Birthday to Me!

Hey Amber............

Its been a long time since Ive written anything, Ive been busy, too busy

Well, whats new? My birthday happen, we went to Dave and Busters to celebrate, I got a lot of sweet stuff: 1, 2, 3 seasons of Sex and the City on DVD.....Gift certifict to Burke Williams (nice!) Gift Certifict to my favorite clothing store (V-Generation) and so much more, and on top of that they threw me a surprise party! Damn was I surprised I had no idea, I got scared I walked in the other room. Ive never had a surprise party thats the best part, all my buddies were there, I got supper smashed, then surprise my weirdo-ex from freshman year of high school shows up at my door, oh by the way he just got out of jail (the 5 time now, I lost count?!) He stayed I didnt want to be rude, I feel bad he looks all cracked out, I dont think he has a place he is staying at either so I figured what would be the worst that could happen by letting him stay for a while, after all I havent seen him for a while and considering all the fucked up shit he has pulled on me I feel a bit of responsibility, im probally the only steady thing he knows (I man that by not a gangsta, druggie, drunk or low life) they make me look normal. Damn that kid has had a hard life and I feel terrible for him, but I dont want to be responsible for him. Well Everything was well ackward but barable up untill he started insulting all my friends and trying to fight one of my best friends boyfriend, who is my good friend. Not cool, I dont know who this kid thinks he is comming into my house on my birthday drinking my beer eating my food trying to fight my friends! All of them! I dont understand, I was completely drunk when all this was going on, okay I was passed out in bed, but this is the drama I get to wake up to in the morning, argh!

To Be Continued....................

Monday, August 09, 2004

That Damn Couch

Hit The Road Jack...Im listening to that song so it just kinda stuck.................Ray Charles man, that movie looks damn good, shame how people dont get fully appreciated untill after there gone. Just like Rick James Bitch!!! How did he die anyways? Still havent seen that Chappell Show episode, but I feel like I have cuz its everywhere. So Had a pretty good weekend, stayed up way to late(early) into the morning, think I went to bed when my parents were waking up, yeah because she called me about an hour after I passed out! Women! I was mad Grrrrrrrrr...........Just went bar hoping down in Newport/Tustin, but I noticed we always end up back at my house, always have the best time there anyways AFTER PARTY! Not really a party just the crew.

So an example to how odd my family is, I told my mom and sister that I was going to get a new couch on Sunday that my roomate inquired from her grandparents, so my sis could have hers back. Well I went and got the couch but after that all my buddies had to work or either do there prior engagments, so I had no one to help me with the couch. Not figuring it was a big deal if I didnt get them there couch back ASAP, well guessed wrong I had my mom yelling at me on my phone telling me how rude, and called me about 3 times throughout the day requesting the couch get brought to her, I dont know if she thinks Im the Hulk or some shit, but Im like How thw hell am I suppose to get that huge ass couch down to her house? Even if she help my mom is like 100 lbs. if that, she'll do alot of help, all 5' foot nothing of her, then I have my sister on top off that calling me also, blah blah blah, I was already out enjoying my weeking at a bar b que, trying not to worry about that damn couch anymore! Aurgh! She started saying how shes waiting at her friends house for me and she has a truck and when am I going to be home (Jump Holly Jump!) or when my roomates are going to be home and if they can go home now, Im was just like....WAIT! I am busy right now, hanging out, I dont have the time or patience to deal with moving furniture or anything for that matter, we will do it tommorrow night when I have the time and I will be able to do it, I made no promises to take it over there tonight, I am busy right now and I am not leaving to take you the couch, plus it was 10 oclock at night. I handled it very well, not to stern, but usually I just hang up if they start getting loud, but I just put my foot dowm. Its hard being the youngest in the family, I dont get to do that very often, I have a very demanding sister who I love to death but is very bosy, and It felt kinda nice to jump at my own time, not everyone elses.

Wow all over a stupid couch huh!

Besides that my weekend was great =)

I feel better..............exhale.................

1........2.......3.........4...........5

j/k not that bad! Thats kinda sad, my extent of drama.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Smiley

ChillenHow Im feeling

Chain Gun How I feel About Work

Famous 14 Just Too Damn Funny

Moonwalker Gonna Be Grooving Tonight


US Patrisiom, A Good Thing


Good Vs Evil Not Sure Who's Winning Yet


Cheers Going To Be Getting My Drink On


Proud Never Say It Enough


Head Banger This Guys Just Rocks

Rastaman TeeHee


Handcuffed To The Desk But Still Like this Untill 5:30


Insane

Holly





You got your coconuts and your banging them together

Well, the link doesnt work, sorry!

But if you guys are able to find it and read it, please do. I cry everytime.

Friday, yeah!

I get to go shopping today which is something I am a master of (thank you thank you) and I cant wait! I need my shopping fix. Thats what cool about working with my sister who is just as bad as I am, take our lunch and go blow some $$$. Terrible I know, but I really belive it is self therphy. I sa the Bourne Supremency last night, wow, I was defentially impressed by that one, Matt Damon held that movie down. It was just pure action, and they concept didnt suck! Most action movies have terrible story lines, but they pulled it off.

Last nigh we went to thr Irvine Spectrum to see the movie, a pretty richy place( its close to Newport) and we (my friend Kevin and I) made a game, might I add it was 9:30 at night, to count how many stupid (freezing) girls we see wearing those damn mini cheerleading skirts! in the 15 minutes it took to walk to my car we counted 9! And they were all accesoricing with little itty-bitty tube/tank tops. It made me cold! I dont get it, if your cold wear a dman jacket! How cant jackets be cute! But hey listen up guys, Irvine Spectrum prime location of little skirts!

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Read This One

Hey I just stumpled across this guys blog.

All I can say is wow, weither your for the war or against I think you should read this, it defentialy is worth it.

Patriotism isn't necissary standing by your president, but standing by your country.

"MY WAR-Fear in Loathing in Iraq:Men in Black"
Http://cbftw.blogspot.com

I hope it works

Deep Thoughts

So I've come to the conclusion, I hate mornings.

I did not want to wake up this morning! I went to be some what early, maybe I just feel like I know that there is going to be nothing going on in the morning besides going to work, busting my ass and well going home and sitting in about 1-1.5 hrs in traffic (good old 405 freeway!) Its sad but Ive come to the conclusionn that im a 21 year old fun loving kid how really is too young to be feeling like a 65 year old women ( please dont take personally if 65 years old) I need a job where I can screw around all day and smoke cigarettes and shoot the shit. It kinda sucks when your the only one stuck in the office (Hence me doing this blog) I have just way to much to say and well im sick of talking to myself.

I think Im gonna milk as much as I can outta this place with what is left acourse, Im done being the only one who really care. I was telling my friend, its like a disfunctional relationship, where you feel like your the only one who puts any effort into trying to keep it alive. How did I even get to this point?

So I told my sister I have one of these so I made a deal with here, she can read it as long as its not in front of me, kinda embaressing, but she doesnt understand how i would feel uncomfortable with here reading it and letting abunch of strangers read it. Huh, kinda makes scence? But not to me, I like the fact that I can say as much as I want and feel and not have to face anyone, and explain myself. I got a slight problem with putting my foot in my mouth, I just dont feel the need to lie and well if people want the honest opinion Im just gonna have to give it to them (only if asked though) I dont just go around flaunting my opinions or beliefs on people, I hate that, people are given there own minds to think for themselves, not to listen to me. Even though they could probaly learn a thing or two. Definentialy not spelling though.

Funny how once you start rambling you start out with hating mornings to ending with not being able to spell. Wow thats deep!

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Are you hiring?

Im going to be saying that very soon, my job is going under. We are not finding business and I work for two grown up men who wont admit it was there fault. I have one who wont get off his lazy ass to go find jobs, and another who doesnt have to prove anything to us. I dont get it either. Im debting to either stick it out or say fuck it and look for a new job. I just hate the whole interviewing part. But I gotta do it.


Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

I hope so. So far so good, (knock on wood) So I meet a new guys, took me out to lunch and said he will call me later tonight to hang out. I hope so, he seems nice. But the worst part of that is just having them say they will call and them never hearing from them. I think its just more polite to Say you know what I dont think this is going to work out, maybe we could just be friends. So much better, one thing I need is closure, thats not bad is it? I think the vast majority of people including myself would rather hear the truth then nothing at all.

So I have a doctors appointment next week, and it is the first time im actually quite shaken by it, I've had irregular blood test results on my liver and they have ruled out hepititias, and well they are checking for cancer now. They are saying they arent for sure what it is thats my they need to run all these different blood/ lab test, I had to get an ultrasound a few weeks ago, kinda funny beacuse you think pregnant when you hear ultrasound, well you have to register/be admitted before you can go back into the hospital. Well it turns out my old friend from high school works there and he was the one registering me, we shoot the shit for a while then he asks me why im here, I tell him ultrasound, and he just gives me this look like, dont tell me your pregnant! No! No! NO! Now dont go around starting rumors, thats the last thing I need is having everyone think Im pregnant, but hey Ive heard them all! So I get my results back on the 10th, Im doing the whole Peter Pan thing now and trying to think happy thoughts, but I like to think everything happens for a reason, but what would this mean?

On top of that I am worrying because my best friend just had her car taken away from her (REPO) and well I dont know how I get myself into this stuff, offered her the $1500 to borrow it, Thank god for Washington Mutual Credit Crads! But I just dont want the money to interfer our friendship, I have know her since kidnegarden, and well I love her to death, would take a bullet for her, but money creates such evil and I just hope she wont fuck me over on this, I dont think she would, but there is always that tought in the back of your head. Also Im the only one who gets to listen to her about this because no one else knows, well except my sister (needed advice) and she has been calling me stressing me out with it, I think Im going to be diagnoised with stress/anexity any moment now....Sorry boss doctors note, gotta take a vacation! Hmm......could be a good thing?


Monday, August 02, 2004

I dont know

that says it right there. I just dont know.

People have come in and out of my life, some good some bad, but either one they have all left very deep memories. I have only a few people I would consider friend. I have a hard time trusting people, which can become a problem because I could only admagine how many decent people I have let go because of that, but everything happens for a reason right? I hope so. Well I think it all started early teens when I had my betrayls comming out from every which eay at me, friends, family, neighbors, it just seemed to be everywhere. I soon thought and relized, why would they do this? what did I ever do to anybody? I know I know poor me, hey Im just trying to figure out people which Im slowly realizing is something that is NEVER going to happen! I still dont know that one, I have just concluded it is peoples desperate attention they crave upon themselves, maybe by seeing other not doing so good, bumps up there esteem. They are out, thriving off of otheres misery. It just seems odd to me how misery can make you feel better? Like I said I dont get it. Ive had some steal from me, use me, cheat on me, lie to me, you name it its been done. But, the most I have been hurt didnt come from lying, cheating, stealing, it came from just confusion. The understanding of not understanding a peoples reason. For Example: 2 years everything great, then one day realizing they want to be alone for a while. I like to think Im a pretty understanding person, I get it, they need some time to do there own thing. I was okay with that, yeah it sucked alot, but Im not going to force anybody to do something they dont want to. I would never want someone to be with me who isnt happy. I took my step back, actually a fewback, but I understood. We talked as freinds for a while, still having to listen to his your still the best person I ever meet spill, ok, and so on, for a few more hours, ok I get it! Pretty much just making me feel more like shit. Cant they just leave it at the understanding? Why do they have to say how great you are, how your the best girl they ever meet, do they think that takes away from the sadness? I would be so bitter ( I swear) if it didnt come slap me in the face a few weeks ago that he is engaged to be married to a girl, when I say girl I mean girl, to run off to vegas this past weekend to get married! Might I add they have only been together 3 three months and even his friends ( who were my friends too) all come up to me and tell me how stupid he is, and how they have never even meet this girl, and that he even gave up music for her, he was is a band (guatir/ singer) when we were together and might I add I thought they were really good! That was his love his life and that I loved about him, he was so talented and to hear he did that broke my heart (again). I would feel 100 times better if I would have adleat ONE person tell me that he is happy and that he loves her, I would wish him the best and mean it. I know that were are not together, im not in denial, but I just wish I would hear something to make me be like, "you know what ! good for him, I wish him the best, as long as he's happy" Beacuse when it comes down to it, he is a really great guy, and I will never say anything bad about him. This just sounds nothing, NOTHING like the person I know, people change I get it, I know, but wow to do a complete 180 in your life baffles me. Its because I still care about him that makes me worry, I dont get it. I have moved on, im doing fine. Im just not going to think about it, like my friends say better her then you, they will be divorced in 3 years! Who knows! I just wished it would stop being flaunted in front of my face. No matter where I go I see someone who knows him and knew us together and breaks the news to me, Ive had it broken to me about 4 time this past 2 weeks! I just want to get over it, its not my problem anymore, I dont want to be reminded of it. Drama Drama, go tell your mama.

Thanks for the vent.

God I wish I didnt pick such an obvious screen name
.