Friday, July 30, 2004

What if Men Ruled?

Listed is a pretty funny email I received thought you'd all enjoy..............

*Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

*Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

*Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

*When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

*Birth control would come in ale or lager. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of yourchoice.

*The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

*"Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

*At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car.

*It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

*Tanks would be far easier to rent. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

*Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

*Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (AMEN!!!)

*On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking.
*Mother's Day, too.

*St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

*Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

*Two words: ALLY MCNAKED.

*Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

*The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

*The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

*It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

*Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

*When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

*Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."

*The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

*People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

*Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

*Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

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